Hitherto he had gone through his work with great energy, in combination
with perfect calm. The energy still remained, it even increased; but the
calm did not remain--it was succeeded by a perpetual hurry and fever. In
a short time after these symptoms first developed themselves, Jacob
Ogden could not add up a column of figures without excitement; when he
came to the totals his heart beat violently, and he began to make
mistakes, which he perceived, and was afterwards nervously anxious to
avoid. As his malady increased, he could not open a letter without
emotion, or sign a cheque without a strong effort of self-control; in a
word, the nervous system was rapidly giving way. And instead of taking
rest, which could alone have restored him to health--rest at Wenderholme
amongst his own fair fields in the beautiful months of spring--he
persisted and persisted, and would not allow himself to be beaten.
The people about him did not know any thing of his condition. He was
more irritable, he pushed everybody faster than he had formerly done,
and he was constantly moving from one place to another; but his
determination to control himself was so strong, and his power of
_appearing_ well still so considerable, that such people as Mrs. Ogden
and young Jacob (unaccustomed as they both were to that kind of
suffering, and incapable of imagining it) had not the most distant
suspicion that he had become unfit for work. Indeed, although an
experienced London physician, who had made brain disease his particular
study, would no doubt have seen at a glance that this was a case which
needed the most watchful care, it may be doubted whether a country
practitioner (even so clever, naturally, as Dr. Bardly) would have
warned Jacob Ogden in time.
The overtasked brain translated its own dangerous condition by
_anxiety_, and the anxiety was not about health, but, as often happens
in such instances, about that subject which had most occupied the
patient's mind before the approaches of disease--namely, money. With all
his riches, Jacob Ogden grew more nervously anxious about money matters
than the poorest laborer on his estate. His mind ran incessantly upon
possible causes of loss; and as in the best-regulated property such
causes are always infinitely numerous, he found them only too easily.
The thousands of details which, when in health, he had carried in his
head as lightly as we carry the words of a thoroughly mastered language,
began to torment him with the apprehension that they might escape his
memory; and whereas, in his better days, no fact troubled him except
just at the moment when he wanted it, they now importunately intruded
upon his mind when they could only disturb and confuse it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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