"No wonder that such a system produces many a dreary pause, in spite of every effort to the contrary, and that one is obliged, in self-defence, to crumble bread, sip wine, look at the paintings, if there are any, or, if there are not, blazon the arms on the plates; or, lastly, retreat into one's self in despair, as I have often and often done. When dinner is over, there is no peace till each dish in the dessert has made its circuit, after which the wine moves languidly round two or three times, and then settles for the rest of the evening, and coffee and small talk finish the heartless affair." The writer, previously (in No. XV.), gives his views of an ideal dinner, which he seems to think perfection-- "I will give you, dear reader, an account of a dinner I have ordered this very day, at Lovegrove's at Blackwall, where, if you have never dined, so much the worse for you. This account will serve as an illustration of my doctrines on dinner-giving better than a long abstract discourse. "The party will consist of seven men besides myself, and every guest is asked for some reason--upon which good fellowship mainly depends, for people brought together unconnectedly had, in my opinion, better be kept separate. Eight I hold to be the golden number, never to be exceeded without weakening the efficiency of concentration. The dinner is to consist of turtle, followed by no other fish but whitebait, which is to be followed by no other meat but grouse, which are to be succeeded by apple fritters and jelly; pastry on such occasions being quite out of place. With the turtle, of course, there will be punch, with the whitebait champagne, and with the grouse claret; the two former I have ordered to be particularly well iced, and they will all be placed in succession upon the table, so that we can help ourselves as we please. I shall permit no other wines, unless, perchance, a bottle or two of port, if particularly wanted, as I hold a variety of wines a great mistake. With respect to the adjuncts, I shall take care that there is cayenne, with lemons cut in halves, within reach of every one for the turtle, and that brown bread and butter in abundance is set upon the table for the whitebait. The dinner will be followed by ices and a good dessert, after which coffee and one glass of liqueur each and no more." CHAPTER XXIV. Clubs--Theatres--Other amusements--a foreigner's idea of London--London streets and noises--"Buy a broom?" girls.