"Meanwhile, the wife, whose good qualities may be judged of by the great rise which took place in her price, while the terms were under discussion, got a hint of the negotiations that were pending, and, being a good deal nettled that her opinion should not have been asked in an affair in which she was so nearly concerned, sallied out to a neighbouring court, known by the name of 'Little _Ire_land,' and sounded the tocsin of alarm. A much smaller matter than the sale of a wife was enough to agitate 'Little _Ire_land.' With _ire_ akin to that which animated the bosom of 'Cutty Sark' and her compeers, as they sallied out of Alloway Kirk to avenge themselves on Tam o'Shanter and his mare Meg, sallied out the daughters of Little Ireland to avenge the insult thus offered to one of the best half of creation. Every damsel who could wag a tongue--mercy on us, how numerous a class!--every one who could wield a poker, fender, or pair of tongs, flew to arms, and resolved on a simultaneous attack; while the high contracting parties, and their assistant negotiators were within, discussing terms, wholly ignorant of the storm that was brewing around them. How the victory would have gone it is no way difficult to predict; but before active hostilities commenced, the police arrived, and conveyed the negotiators to the office, where they were detained until the vast crowds which had collected had dispersed, and until security had been given that appearance would be made next day. There the whole party were brought before the magistrates, and looked exceedingly foolish on the occasion. No such an affair as the sale of a wife seems ever to have been heard of in these northern latitudes, and, as the fiscal knew from the parricide case of old, that to prescribe a punishment for a crime was a powerful means to get the crime introduced, he resolved not to be privy to such a doing, and, therefore, restricted his charge to a breach of the peace. The magistrate did not find that a breach of the peace could be brought home to the parties; and, after animadverting in severe terms on the disgraceful nature of such proceedings, and addressing the salesman and purchaser in terms which, we dare say, they will not soon forget, he dismissed them from the bar. The purchaser, who is verging on three score years and ten, seemed to have come into court predetermined to appeal, and declared that a bargain was a bargain; but, with the whisky still buzzing in his head, he appealed at a wrong time, and tabled his shilling before the sentence of dismissal was pronounced." The lady got the best of it on another occasion, according to the _Halifax Express_, quoted in the _Times_ of April 4, 1836--