DR. K.: And a lot of them end up feeling miserable! I know: I've seen dozens of people sitting where you are, and their thinking is chock-full of _oughts_, _shoulds_, and _musts_. And that's what makes them feel upset. They feel much better when they can come to say to themselves, "It would be nicer, or more pleasant, or better if things were different." JOAN: You mean, if I can get rid of _shoulds_ and _musts_ in my _thinking_, I'd feel better? DR. K.: That's exactly what I'm saying. If you were to follow what I've told you, you'd seldom be upset again, and probably never enough to get yourself really depressed. JOAN: Uh-huh. I'm not sure I really see how that can be. I feel pretty stupid. DR. K.: So here you go again! You think of yourself as a pretty bright person, and so you say to yourself, "I ought to be able to catch on to anything pretty fast." And now here you are, and you're not all that sure you've followed everything already, and so you tell yourself, "Oh my, I must be stupid." JOAN: [Nods appreciatively, laughs.] DR. K.: You don't _have_ to upset yourself. You can _choose_ what you tell yourself, and then you'll have control over what you _feel_. Tell me about your job. You're in the role of a leader, aren't you? JOAN: Yes. DR. K.: But you don't think you're doing a great job? JOAN: No, I don't. DR. K.: But _they_ think you're doing OK, isn't that correct? JOAN: Yes, but my job seems to be taking more and more out of me. [Begins to cry.] DR. K.: Well, it seems like you're doing your job OK; it's just that you, from _your_ point of view, aren't perfect! So _therefore_ it's all just empty pretense: you're just faking it! But, if you'll give up your nutty perfectionism, you'd be in the clear, because you're obviously satisfying people at work; you're satisfying _their_ expectations. But since you feel bad about yourself, you say to yourself, "Well, they just haven't found me out! When {144} they do, I'm in for it." And so you live in a state of fear. JOAN: That's it. DR. K.: It's all because of your unreasonable _expectations_. Can you see that? JOAN: [At least temporarily convinced.] Yes, I think I can! DR. K.: This is what I'd like to work on with you. It's going to take some self-discipline on your part, but together we can help you get rid of some mental habits that bring you unhappiness. They don't serve a useful purpose, and they drag you down. Why don't you tell me more specifically what upsets you at work? APPLICATIONS OF RATIONAL-EMOTIVE THERAPY