The purpose of marriage or family therapy is not only to resolve existing problems but also to help clients cultivate a new way of communicating and interacting together. Marriage therapy and family therapy of course seek to relieve emotional distress by helping to reduce or end conflicts and to lessen anxiety, frustration, anger, or resentments. But beyond these, marriage and family therapists try to show clients how to complement one another's personal needs. They also attempt to strengthen bonds between them so that they are able to face crises and emotional upsets with greater strength, balance, and courage. And they try to redirect clients' values in a way that will support the personal growth of each person. How long marriage or family therapy will take depends primarily on the goals of the couple or family. Here are some estimates: * to reduce tensions: perhaps six sessions * to reduce symptoms such as emotional distress or behavioral problems: ten to fifteen sessions * to improve communication habits: twenty-five to thirty sessions over six to eight months * to restructure relationships so that members of the family system will have more independence and will cultivate an awareness that they do have separate identities: forty sessions or more WHAT MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIES ARE LIKE Marriage therapy and family therapy are distinct from group therapy in two important ways. First, unlike in group therapy the clients in marriage or family therapy have a shared history and, if therapy is successful, will often be able to enjoy a shared future. Second, in marriage and family therapy, the therapist is more active and directive than in group therapy. Any changes made by members of a group come about because of interactions among the group members; a group therapist acts as a moderator or facilitator, while the role of a marriage or family therapist resembles that of a teacher. {197} Marriage and family therapy focuses on _present_ interactions between husband and wife or among family members. It is not that the past is judged to be unimportant, but it is not generally useful to pay a great deal of attention to what has already happened. What causes problems _now_ are the current patterns and habits of interaction in the family or marriage. A wife may have been drinking for fifteen years because her mother undermined her sense of self-confidence, but the fact is that she no longer lives with her mother. However, she _did_ choose to live with a man who continued her mother's pattern of undermining abuse. A marriage therapist will focus on present difficulties and, by doing this, may be able to help her resolve her drinking problem by improving a troubled relationship with her husband.