White nights, and other storiesDostoyevsky, Fyodor
General
White nights, and other stories
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor, 1821-1881 -- Translations into English; Russian fiction -- Translations into English
"No, Arkasha, no. I know that there is no limit to your affection for
me; but you cannot be feeling one-hundredth part of what I am feeling at
this moment. My heart is so full, so full! Arkasha, I am not worthy of
such happiness. I feel that, I am conscious of it. Why has it come to
me?" he said, his voice full of stifled sobs. "What have I done to
deserve it? Tell me. Look what lots of people, what lots of tears, what
sorrow, what work-a-day life without a holiday, while I, I am loved by a
girl like that, I.... But you will see her yourself immediately, you
will appreciate her noble heart. I was born in a humble station, now I
have a grade in the service and an independent income--my salary. I was
born with a physical defect, I am a little deformed. See, she loves me
as I am. Yulian Mastakovitch was so kind, so attentive, so gracious
to-day; he does not often talk to me; he came up to me: 'Well, how goes
it, Vasya' (yes, really, he called me Vasya), 'are you going to have a
good time for the holiday, eh?' he laughed.
"'Well, the fact is, Your Excellency, I have work to do,' but then I
plucked up courage and said: 'and maybe I shall have a good time, too,
Your Excellency.' I really said it. He gave me the money, on the spot,
then he said a couple of words more to me. Tears came into my eyes,
brother, I actually cried, and he, too, seemed touched, he patted me on
the shoulder, and said: 'Feel always, Vasya, as you feel this now.'"
Vasya paused for an instant. Arkady Ivanovitch turned away, and he, too,
wiped away a tear with his fist.
"And, and ..." Vasya went on, "I have never spoken to you of this,
Arkady.... Arkady, you make me so happy with your affection, without you
I could not live,--no, no, don't say anything, Arkady, let me squeeze
your hand, let me ... tha...ank ... you...." Again Vasya could not
finish.
Arkady Ivanovitch longed to throw himself on Vasya's neck, but as they
were crossing the road and heard almost in their ears a shrill: "Hi!
there!" they ran frightened and excited to the pavement.
Arkady Ivanovitch was positively relieved. He set down Vasya's outburst
of gratitude to the exceptional circumstances of the moment. He was
vexed. He felt that he had done so little for Vasya hitherto. He felt
actually ashamed of himself when Vasya began thanking him for so little.
But they had all their lives before them, and Arkady Ivanovitch breathed
more freely.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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