Inheritance and succession -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
was not a most righteous object, and one which justified entirely the
interference of heaven.
But, in the meantime, what a difference was made in her peaceable
domestic life! No doubt she ought to have been suffering as much for a
long time past, for the offence was not new, though the punishment was;
but if it came late, it came bitterly. Her pain was like fire in her
heart. This seemed to herself as she thought of it--and she did little
but think of it--to be the best comparison. Like fire--burning and
consuming her, yet never completing its horrible work--gnawing
continually with a red-hot glow, and quivering as of lambent flame. She
seemed to herself now and then to have the power, as it were, of taking
her heart out of these glowing ashes, and looking at it, but always to
let it drop back piteously into the torment. Oh, how she wished and
longed, with an eager hopelessness which seemed to give fresh force to
her suffering, that the sin could be undone, that these two last years
could be wiped out of time, that she could go back to the moment before
she set out for Bruges! She longed for this with an intensity which was
equalled only by its impossibility. If only she had not done it! Once it
occurred to her with a thrill of fright, that the sensations of her mind
were exactly those which are described in many a sermon and sensational
religious book. Was it hell that she had within her? She shuddered, and
burst forth into a low moaning when the question shaped itself in her
mind. But notwithstanding all these horrors, she had to conduct herself
as became a person in good society--to manage all her affairs, and talk
to the servants, and smile upon chance visitors, as if everything were
well--which added a refinement of pain to these tortures. And thus the
days passed on till Monsieur Guillaume Austin arrived from Bruges--the
one event which still inspired her with something like hope.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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