Jones was of Porter's escort, and had on this occasion served as General Porter's messenger. On the next day, the 8th, I returned to the Sanitary Camp. XIV OUT OF SORTS "Your changed complexions are to me a mirror Which shows me mine changed too; for I must be A party in this alteration, finding Myself thus altered with it."--SHAKESPEARE. It would have been quite impossible for me to analyze my feeling for Dr. Khayme. His affection for me was unconcealed, and I was sure that no other man was received as his companion--not that he was distant, but that he was not approached. By nature I am affectionate, but at that time my emotions were severely and almost continually repressed by my will, because of a condition of nervous sensitiveness in regard to the possibility of an exposure of my peculiarity, so that I often wondered whether the Doctor fully understood the love and reverence I bore him. On the morning following the day last spoken of--that is to say, on the morning of May 9th--Dr. Khayme rode off to the old William and Mary College, now become a hospital, leaving me to my devices, as he said, for some hours. I was sitting on a camp-stool in the open air, busily engaged in cleaning my gun and accoutrements, when I saw a man coming toward me. It was Willis. "Where is the Doctor?" he asked. "Gone to the hospital; want to see him?" "That depends." "He will be back in an hour or two. Boys all right?" I brought out a camp-stool; Willis remained standing. "Oh, yes; what's left of 'em. Say, Berwick, what's this I hear about your being detailed for special work?" "So," said I. "What in the name o' God will you have to do?" Willis's tone was not so friendly as I had known it to be; besides, I had observed that he called me Berwick rather than Jones. His attitude chilled me. I did not wish to talk to him about myself. We talk about personal matters to personal friends. I suppose, too, that I am peculiar in such things; at any rate, so great was my distaste to talking now with Willis on the subject in question that I did not succeed in hiding my feeling. "Oh," says he, "you needn't say it if you don't want to." "I feel," said I, "as though I should be speaking of personal matters, perhaps too personal." "Well, I don't want to force myself on anybody," said he; then he asked, "How long are you going to stay with Dr. Khayme?" It flashed upon me in an instant that Willis was jealous,--not of the little distinction that had been shown me,--but in regard to Lydia, and I felt a great desire to relieve him of any fear of my being or becoming his rival. Yet I did not see how I could introduce a subject so delicate. In order to gain time, I replied: "Well, I don't know exactly; I am subject to orders from brigade headquarters. If no orders come, I shall stay here a day or two; if we march, I suppose I shall march with the company, unless the division is in the rear."