She heard now and then of certain well-paid positions in connection with
social service of various sorts; but these again seemed to require a
special training, or a special aptitude, which Joan did not believe
herself to possess. The very words "social service" had to her a
chilling, impersonal, busybodyish sound, almost as ugly as
"philanthropy." She was not of those to whom a rose by any other name
would smell as sweet. "Charity" sounded to her Christian, and warm, and
friendly; but she dreaded to offer "philanthropy," or "social service"
to the unfortunate almost as much as she would have dreaded to receive
such things. She decided that her _metier_ was not good works.
Clerks in stores, she learned, do not for the most part earn a living
wage. They are expected evidently to live at home, or to supplement
their salary in some other fashion (just how Joan was not sure, but she
entertained uneasy suspicions). By the time they become expert--heads of
departments, buyers, chief milliners, etc.,--they are of course more
than economically independent. But in the meanwhile....
It was the meanwhile that troubled Joan. When she broke with her family,
she intended to do so with a magnificent completeness.
Only two alternatives seemed open to her inexperience; the stage and
journalism. She weighed them one against the other without being able to
come to a decision. Joan was rather fond of making her own decisions,
and had all the impatience of her nineteen years with mature advice. But
at length she consulted Stefan Nikolai.
"Please write me by return mail," (she commanded), "which you think
would offer me the most advantageous career, the stage or journalism."
He obeyed on a post-card marked Christiania (his postmarks were
frequently the only indication of his whereabouts):
"I should suggest the usual course in matrimony as a preliminary to any
career."
Joan stamped her foot over this banality. It was something she might
have expected from a man of her father's generation, but hardly from
Stefan Nikolai. Particularly when he knew about Eduard, and must
certainly realize that her interest in man as a sex was over!
Useful she still found them as dancing partners, to be sure, as
providers of candy and flowers and theaters, even to a certain extent as
companions, since one cannot very well sit about after nightfall
conversing with women, if only for appearance' sake. One or two she
might admit to her friendship, provided they remain sufficiently "in
their place," like Archie Blair. But as lovers, husbands! Never again.
Fortunately, sufficient phagocytes had been released to take care of
that.
Hers was an attitude of mind which if generally entertained would, she
realized, mitigate against the welfare of the race; but judging from the
people about her, it would never be generally entertained--particularly
in Kentucky, and in Springtime.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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