_2nd Knight._ Why, we have been perjured but six times for you. _1st Knight._ Forged but four deeds, with your husband's last deed of gift. _2nd Knight._ And but three wills. _1st Knight._ And counterfeited hands and seals to some six bonds; I think that's all, brother? _Wid._ Ay, that's all, gentlemen; and so, here's to you again. _2nd Knight._ Nay, 'twould do one's heart good to be forsworn for you. You have a conscience in your ways, and pay us well. _1st Knight._ You are in the right on't, brother; one would be damned for her with all one's heart. _2nd Knight._ But there are rogues, who make us forsworn for 'em; and when we come to be paid, they'll be forsworn too, and not pay us our wages, which they promised with oaths sufficient. _1st Knight._ Ay, a great lawyer that shall be nameless bilked me too. _Wid._ That was hard, methinks, that a lawyer should use gentlemen witnesses no better. _2nd Knight._ A lawyer! d'ye wonder a lawyer should do't? I was bilked by a reverend divine, that preaches twice on Sundays, and prays half an hour still before dinner. _Wid._ How! a conscientious divine and not pay people for damning themselves! sure then, for all his talking, he does not believe damnation. But, come, to our business. Pray be sure to imitate exactly the flourish at the end of this name. [_Pulls out a deed or two._ _1st Knight._ O, he's the best in England at untangling a flourish, madam. _Wid._ And let not the seal be a jot bigger. Observe well the dash too, at the end of this name. _2nd Knight._ I warrant you, madam. _Wid._ Well, these and many other shifts, poor widows are put to sometimes; for everybody would be riding a widow, as they say, and breaking into her jointure. They think marrying a widow an easy business, like leaping the hedge where another has gone over before. A widow is a mere gap, a gap with them. _Enter_ Major OLDFOX, _with two_ Waiters. _The_ Knights of the Post _huddle up the writings._ What, he here! Go then, go my hearts, you have your instructions. [_Exeunt_ Knights of the Post. _Old._ Come, madam, to be plain with you, I'll be fobbed off no longer.--[_Aside._] I'll bind her and gag her but she shall hear me.--[_To the_ Waiters.] Look you, friends, there's the money I promised you; and now do you what you promised me: here my garters, and here's a gag.--[_To the_ Widow.] You shall be acquainted with my parts, lady, you shall. _Wid._ Acquainted with your parts! A rape! a rape!--what, will you ravish me? [_The_ Waiters _tie her to the chair, gag her, and exeunt._ _Old._ Yes, lady, I will ravish you: but it shall be through the ear, lady, the ear only, with my well-penned acrostics. _Enter_ FREEMAN, JERRY BLACKACRE, _three_ Bailiffs, _a_ Constable, _and his_ Assistants _with the two_ Knights of the Post. What, shall I never read my things undisturbed again?