The sun was setting, when, on tip-toe, scarcely letting my dress rustle,
so afraid I was of disturbing mamma's sleep, I stole from her room,
intending to give some directions to Rebecca Torkill. As I went down the
dusky stairs I passed our Malory maid, who said something, pointing to
the drawing-room. I saw her lips move, but, as will happen when one is
pre-occupied, I took in nothing of what she said, but, with a mechanical
acquiescence, followed the direction of her hand, and entered the
sitting-room.
Our house stood upon high ground, and the nearest houses between our
front-windows and the west were low, so that the last beams of sunset,
red with smoke and mist, passed over their roofs, and shone dimly on the
oak panels opposite. The windows were narrow, and the room rather dark.
I saw some one standing at the window-frame in the shade. I was
startled, and hesitated, close to the door. The figure turned quickly,
the sun glancing on his features. It was Mr. Carmel. He came towards me
quickly; and he said, as I fancied, very coldly,
"Can you spare me two or three minutes alone, Miss Ware? I have but
little to say," he added, as I did not answer. "But it is important, and
I will make my words as few as possible."
We were standing close to the door. I assented. He closed it gently, and
we walked slowly, side by side, to the window where he had been
standing. He turned. The faint sun, like a distant fire, lighted his
face. What singular dark eyes he had, so large, so enthusiastic! and
had ever human eye such a character of suffering? I knew very well what
he was going to speak of. The face, sad, sombre, ascetic, with which I
was so familiar, I now, for the first time, understood.
The shadow of the confessional was on it. It was the face of one before
whom human nature, in moments of terrible sincerity, had laid bare its
direful secrets, and submitted itself to a melancholy anatomisation. To
some minds, sympathetic, proud, sensitive the office of the confessor
must be full of self-abasement, pain, and horror. We who know our own
secrets, and no one else's, know nothing of the astonishment, and
melancholy, and disgust that must strike some minds on contemplating the
revelations of others, and discovering, for certain, that the standard
of human nature is not above such and such a level.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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