I was near saying something very wild and foolish, but I did not.
"I won't keep you a moment," said he--"just come a little nearer the
window; I want you to look at something that may interest you."
I did go a little nearer. I was moving as he commanded, as if I had been
mesmerised.
"You lost," he continued, "shortly before your illness, the only
photograph you possessed of your sister Helen? But why are you so put
out by it? Why should you tremble so violently? It is only I, you know;
you need not mind. You dropped that on the floor of a jeweller's shop
one night, when I and Droqville happened to be there together, and I
picked it up; it represents you both together. I want to restore it;
here it is."
I extended my hand to take it. I don't know whether I spoke, but the
portrait faded suddenly from my sight, and darkness covered everything.
I heard his voice, like that of a person talking in excitement, a long
way off, at the other side of a wall in another room--it was no more
than a hum, and even that was growing fainter. I forgot everything, in
utter unconsciousness, for some seconds. When I opened my eyes, water
was trickling down my face and forehead, and the window was open. I
sighed deeply. I saw him looking over me with a countenance of gloom and
anxiety. In happy forgetfulness of all that had passed, I smiled and
said:
"Oh, Richard! Thank God!" and stretched my arms to him.
"That's right--quite right," he said; "you may have every confidence in
me."
The dreadful recollection began to return.
"Don't get up yet," he said, earnestly, and even tenderly; "you're not
equal to it. Don't think of leaving me--you must have confidence in me.
Why didn't you trust me long ago?--trust me altogether? Fear nothing
while I am near you."
So he continued speaking, until my recollection had quite returned.
"Why, darling, will you not trust me? Can you be surprised at my being
wounded by your reserve? How have I deserved it? Forget the pain of this
discovery, and remember only that against all the world, to the last
hour of my life, with my last thought, the last drop of my blood, I am
your defender."
He kissed my hands passionately; he drew me towards him, and kissed my
lips. He murmured caresses and vows of unalterable love--nothing could
be more tender and impassioned. I was relieved by a passionate burst of
tears.
"It's over now," he said--"it's all over; you'll forgive me, won't you?
I have more to forgive, darling, than you--the hardest of all things to
forgive in one whom we idolise--a want of confidence in us. You ought
to have told me all this before."
I told him, as well as I could between my sobs, that there was no need
to tell any one of a madness which had nothing to do with waking
thoughts or wishes, and was simply the extravagance of delirium--that I
was then actually in fever, had been at the point of death, and that Mr.
Carmel knew everything about it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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