Willow the king : $b The story of a cricket matchSnaith, J. C. (John Collis)
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Willow the king : $b The story of a cricket match
Snaith, J. C. (John Collis)
Cricket stories; England -- Fiction; Humorous stories
“Ask another,” said Charlie, “for I’m hanged if I know. Ranji in his
best year might have had a look in, and I think she’d take the Old Man
even now. Jacker, and Stoddy, and Archie McLaren, and that crush, all
just miss it.”
“All just miss it?” I said weakly.
“All just miss it,” said Charlie magisterially. “If Sammy Woods’s heart
had stood the strain, his bowling might have put him in the running,
because she says that, whereas batsmen are a common growth, bowlers
come from heaven.”
As the best bowler in England quoted this opinion, the twinkle in his
eye was marvellous.
“But Jack Mason and Charlie Fry have been going pretty strong of late,”
said the little parson.
“They’ll have to be regular Sandows before they’ll fill her eye,” said
Grace’s brother, “she’s that mighty hypercritical. At least, that’s
what a literary Johnny called her. He kept rolling Greek up to her, and
comparing her to Nausicaa. She asked him whether Nausicaa was a batsman
or a bowler, as she knew for a fact that his name was not in Wisden.
But when the silly owl began to simplify himself, he wished he hadn’t
spoke. She knocked three fours and two sixes off him--all in one over.
By crum! didn’t she make hay! As for Jack Mason, he’s got a blind sort
o’ shove behind point off a rising ball that she don’t approve of,
whilst Charlie Fry’s bowling action is so darned ugly that I don’t much
fancy _him_.”
“Second bell,” said the little parson. “We’d better cut.”
“Yes, curse it,” said the great bowler with a groan. “’Got to be
rolling ’em up all the afternoon at ninety in the shade. Wicket
concrete, and two men going as they please. Bowlers _have_ to come from
heaven, I say, or they’d simply kick. ’Wants a blooming archangel to be
a bowler. Poor devils! What _are_ the sins of their fathers that some
men should be born bowlers?”
“Evolution teaches us,” said the little parson with resonant solemnity,
“that when a man’s forbears have been for generations in the habit of
fielding really bad, dropping catches, slow pick-up, stopping ’em with
their boot, wild returns, fumbling, failing to back up, real downright
infernal blood-coloured idleness, and so forth--that poor bloke is
likely to be born a bowler. Nature will avenge itself, you know.”
“’Must have been several Keys and Martin Hawkes in our family, then,
at one time or another,” said Charlie. Here however a ray of hope came
to him. “Of course,” said he, “your men’ll declare when they get about
three hundred.”
“Well, what would you do,” said I, “if you’d not got a ha’porth o’
bowling, against a batting side like Hickory’s?”
“Cert’nly declare,” said the bowler with wonderful conviction. “Great
folly if you don’t. Always the unexpected that happens at cricket,
don’t you know. ’Might absolutely scuttle us as our men’ll be tired as
the Ten blooming Tribes, and pretty well as sick.”
“Well,” said I, “I daresay we shall declare--at half-past six.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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