Wilson's Tales of the Borders and of Scotland, Volume 08
General
Wilson's Tales of the Borders and of Scotland, Volume 08
Scottish Borders (Scotland) -- Fiction
"You, and all good men, have a privilege to despise him who has not the
approval of his own conscience," he said. "I could bear your persuasive
reproof; but the thought that I have rendered myself unworthy of the
trouble of one I esteem, to save me from the ruin I have madly prepared
for myself, sends me to that deep pit of despair, from which I have even
now struggled to get free. You saved me from death; and I was no sooner
cured than I plunged headlong again into the gulf from which my disease
was derived. I have made myself an ingrate, and a beggar; spurned your
advice, and destroyed the work from which I expected honour and reward.
I see myself as through a microscope, and you have diminished me still
farther. Heaven help me!"
"You have powers within you, sir," replied I, with affected sternness,
"through the medium of which you might have surveyed yourself as through
the telescope; and your size would not have been greater than that
potential moral magnitude to which you might long ere now have arrived,
and which is still within your own power. I exhort not--I leave you to
yourself.--_In te omne recumbit._"
"I know it, I know it," he cried, with a swelling throat. "My ruin or my
salvation lies within my own breast. For ten years I have resolved, and
re-resolved; and it is only three days since I destroyed that picture,
and rose with fiery eyes and a burning heart to survey the consequences
of my vice. O God! where is this to end? You saw what I suffered when
extended on that bed, racked with pain; my brain on fire; my intellect
overturned; my muscles twisted by spasms; my eyes and ears tortured by
imaginary sights and sounds; with conscience in the back-ground, waiting
till reason should bring to the avenging angel its victim. In that every
mortal on earth might have found a lesson, but a drunkard. I found none.
The very fire of my fever filled my soul with a thirst which
precipitated me again deeper than ever in my old sin. I have got my
senses again; and my bloodshot eyes have surveyed, and shall survey,
that sad monument of my vice and folly--that child of my dreams, with
which my pregnant fancy travailed with a delightful pain; and to which
my fond hopes of honour, wealth, and happiness were directed--now, alas!
dead--killed by my rebellious hand. From that dead body I have extracted
a virtue which, with the powers of the amulet, shall guard me more
effectually than the lesson of my bodily agony from further destruction.
Believe me, sir. Aid me once again. If I fail this time, discard me for
ever."
As he finished, he hung his head over the chair, and covered his face
with his hands, to hide from me his agonised face. I told him that it
was my intention to try what effect the destroyed picture would have
upon him.
"You have made a fair beginning," said I. "Persevere--keep to the new
picture to-morrow and to-morrow. I shall call in a week."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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