Female friendship -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
After Hal had left, Lorraine sank into a stupor from weakness, and
remained thus until towards evening. Then she revived, and seemed to
comprehend better all that had happened; all that was happening still.
She knew that the child she had dreamed of would never lie in her arms
and look up at her with Alymer’s eyes. She knew that in the first awful
moments of realisation, and deathly weakness, her whole soul had so
craved to see Alymer again that she had asked for him.
A few moments later the stupor had come down upon her exhausted senses,
and without any further word or thought from her, Hal had gone on her
errand.
At first, in the darkened room where she had suffered so much, she
remembered only that very soon Alymer might be with her. And the
thought, while it quickened her pulses, yet made her feel almost faint
with the longing for him to come quickly. What if they were delayed,
and this terrible weakness took her away from him without a last
meeting.
The thought that death was approaching did not frighten her. She rather
welcomed it. When she left London in the summer, she had felt that she
could never go back. She had already fixed in her mind the picture of
the quiet haven, where she would live restfully with Alymer’s child—far
away from the turmoil that had marked her life almost from its earliest
beginning, and safe from slander.
She did not mind for herself. The things that most women valued, no
longer held much meaning for her. She had experienced more than most;
learned more than most how empty success and triumph may become;
sounded for herself the shallowness of many things that society regards
as prizes.
She had been tired for a long time. Now the tiredness had reached a
climax. If the quiet haven might not bless her life, it was, on the
whole, better that she should die.
This quiet fatalism only increased her longing to see Alymer once more.
It was the one thing in all existence left to long for. It merged every
remaining faculty into one desire. And Hal would bring him. Hal never
failed any one.
Then came the night, and instead of a quiet sleep, restlessness seized
her. The recollection of the lawsuit which was to make Alymer’s name
once for all, came back again and again with merciless insistence,
fighting like some desperate thing that last, one, great desire. Try as
she would to smother it, after a little period of rest it came back
stronger than ever.
In vain she told herself that when he knew she was dying he would have
no wish but to hasten to her. In vain, she said also, that success
would no longer mean all it had done; that with love crying to him from
a death-bed, he would understand its emptiness and scorn it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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