Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
“Talk, Sam; talk,” she would say; “do not sit there thinking.”
Or at another time she would come to his room at night and putting her
head down on the pillow beside his would spend hours planning, weeping,
begging him to give her again his love, his old fervent, devoted love.
This Sam tried earnestly and honestly to do, going with her for long
walks when the new call, the business had begun to make to him, would
have kept him at his desk, reading aloud to her in the evening, urging
her to shake off her old dreams and to busy herself with new work and
new interests.
Through the days in the office he went in a kind of half stupor. An old
feeling of his boyhood coming back to him, it seemed to him, as it had
seemed when he walked aimlessly through the streets of Caxton after
the death of his mother, that there remained something to be done, an
accounting to be made. Even at his desk with the clatter of typewriters
in his ears and the piles of letters demanding his attention, his mind
slipped back to the days of his courtship with Sue and to those days in
the north woods when life had beat strong within him, and every young,
wild thing, every new growth renewed the dream that filled his being.
Sometimes on the street, or walking in the park with Sue, the cries of
children at play cut across the sombre dulness of his mind and he shrank
from the sound and a kind of bitter resentment took possession of him.
When he looked covertly at Sue she talked of other things, apparently
unconscious of his thoughts.
Then a new phase of life presented itself. To his surprise he found
himself looking with more than passing interest at women in the streets,
and an old hunger for the companionship of strange women came back to
him, in some way coarsened and materialised. One evening at the theatre
a woman, a friend of Sue’s and the childless wife of a business friend
of his own, sat beside him. In the darkness of the playhouse her
shoulder nestled down against his. In the excitement of a crisis on the
stage her hand slipped into his and her fingers clutched and held his
fingers.
Animal desire seized and shook him, a feeling without sweetness, brutal,
making his eyes burn. When between the acts the theatre was again
flooded with light he looked up guiltily to meet another pair of eyes
equally filled with guilty hunger. A challenge had been given and
received.
In their car, homeward bound, Sam put the thoughts of the woman away
from him and taking Sue in his arms prayed silently for some help
against he knew not what.
“I think I will go to Caxton in the morning and have a talk with Mary
Underwood,” he said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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