Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
He kept whispering to himself. Perhaps now the test of his life had
come. There was a way to approach life and love. There was Sue. A basis
for love and understanding might be found with her. Later the impulse
could be carried on and into the lives of the children he had found and
brought to her.
A vision of himself as a truly humble man, kneeling before life,
kneeling before the intricate wonder of life, came to him, but he was
again afraid. When he saw Sue’s figure, dressed in white, a dim, pale,
flashing thing, coming down steps toward him, he wanted to run away, to
hide himself in the darkness.
And he wanted also to run toward her, to kneel at her feet, not because
she was Sue but because she was human and like himself filled with human
perplexities.
He did neither of the two things. The boy of Caxton was still alive
within him. With a boyish lift of the head he went boldly to her.
“Nothing but boldness will answer now,” he kept saying to himself.
* * * * *
They walked in the gravel path before the house and he tried lamely to
tell his story, the story of his wanderings, of his seeking. When he
came to the tale of the finding of the children she stopped in the path
and stood listening, pale and tense in the half light.
Then she threw back her head and laughed, nervously, half hysterically.
“I have taken them and you, of course,” she said, after he had stepped
to her and had put his arm about her waist. “My life alone hasn’t turned
out to be a very inspiring affair. I had made up my mind to take them
and you, in the house there. The two years you have been gone have
seemed like an age. What a foolish mistake my mind has made. I thought
they must be your own children by some other woman, some woman you had
found to take my place. It was an odd notion. Why, the older of the two
must be nearly fourteen.”
They went toward the house, the Negro woman having, at Sue’s command,
found food for Sam and respread the table, but at the door he stopped
and excusing himself stepped again into the darkness under the trees.
In the house lamps had been lighted and he could see Sue’s figure
going through a room at the front of the house toward the dining-room.
Presently she returned and pulled the shades at the front windows. A
place was being prepared for him inside there, a shut-in place in which
he was to live what was left of his life.
With the pulling of the shades darkness dropped down over the figure
of the man standing just within the grove of trees and darkness dropped
down over the inner man also. The struggle within him became more
intense.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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