Africa, West -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
Lastly, there was a calm acceptance of the fact that Guy Oscard must and
would inevitably go to the wall. There could be no comparison between
the two men. Millicent Chyne could scarcely hesitate for a moment. That
she herself must likewise suffer uncomplainingly, inevitably, seemed to
be an equally natural consequence in Jocelyn Gordon's mind.
She could not go to Jack Meredith and say:
“This woman is deceiving you, but I love you, and my love is a nobler,
grander thing than hers. It is no passing fancy of a giddy, dazzled
girl, but the deep strong passion of a woman almost in the middle of her
life. It is a love so complete, so sufficing, that I know I could make
you forget this girl. I could so envelop you with love, so watch over
you and care for you, and tend you and understand you, that you MUST be
happy. I feel that I could make you happier than any other woman in the
world could make you.”
Jocelyn Gordon could not do this; and all the advanced females in the
world, all the blue stockings and divided skirts, all the wild women and
those who pant for burdens other than children, will never bring it to
pass that women can say such things.
And precisely because she could not say this, Jocelyn felt hot and sick
at the very thought that Jack Meredith should learn aught of Millicent
Chyne from her. Her own inner motive in divulging what she had learnt
from Guy Oscard could never for a moment be hidden behind a wish,
however sincere, to act for the happiness of two honourable gentlemen.
Jocelyn had no one to consult--no one to whom she could turn, in the
maddening difficulty of her position, for advice or sympathy. She had to
work it out by herself, steering through the quicksands by that compass
that knows no deviation--the compass of her own honour and maidenly
reserve.
Just because she was so sure of her own love she felt that she could
never betray the falseness of Millicent Chyne. She felt somehow that
Millicent's fall in Jack Meredith's estimation would drag down with
it the whole of her sex, and consequently herself. She did not dare to
betray Millicent, because the honour of her sex must be held up by an
exaggerated honour in herself. Thus her love for Jack Meredith tied her
hands, while she stood idly by to see him wreck his own life by what
could only be a miserable union.
With the clear sight of the onlooker, Jocelyn Gordon now saw that, by
Jack Meredith's own showing, Millicent was quite unworthy of him. But
she also remembered words, silences, and hints which demonstrated with
lamentable plainness the fact that he loved her. She was old enough and
sufficiently experienced to avoid the futile speculation as to what had
attracted this love. She knew that men marry women who in the estimation
of onlooking relatives are unworthy of them, and live happily ever
afterwards, without deeming it necessary to explain to those relatives
how it comes about.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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