England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Stepmothers -- Fiction
It was Mr. Ashford again who came to Lottie’s aid. “Play something else
first,” he said softly to the Signor, disregarding the anxious looks of
Rollo, who had placed himself on a chair at a little distance, so that
he might be able to see the singer and stop any false note that might be
coming before it appeared. The others were both kind and clever, kinder
than the man whom Lottie thought her lover, and whose anxiety for the
moment took all thought from him, and more clever too. The Signor began
to play Handel, the serious noble music with which Lottie had grown
familiar in the Abbey, and soon Mr. Ashford stepped in and sang in his
beautiful melodious voice. Then the strain changed, preluding a song
which the most angelic of the choristers had sung that morning. The
Minor Canon put the music into Lottie’s hands. “Begin here,” he
whispered. She knew it by ear and by heart, and the paper trembled in
her hands; but they made her forget herself, and she began, her voice
thrilling and trembling, awe and wonder taking possession of her. She
had heard it often, but she had never realised what it was till, all
human, womanish, shivering with excitement and emotion, she began to
sing. It did not seem her own doing at all. The dim drawing-room, with
the Dean reading the paper, the men in their evening coats, the
glimmering reflection of herself which she caught in the long mirror, in
her simple decorations, the roses trembling in her hair, all seemed
horribly inappropriate, almost profane, to Lottie. And the music shook
in her hands, and the notes, instead of remaining steadily before her
eyes, where she could read them, took wings to themselves and floated
about, now here, now there, sometimes gleaming upon her, sometimes
eluding her. Yet she sang, she could not tell how, forgetting
everything, though she saw and felt everything, in a passion, in an
inspiration, penetrated through and through by the music and the poetry,
and the sacredness, above her and all of them. “I know that my Redeemer
liveth.” Oh, how did she dare to sing it, how could those commonplace
walls enclose it, those men stand and listen as if it was _her_ they
were listening to? By and by the Dean laid down his paper. Rollo, in the
background, gazing on her at first in pale anxiety, then with vexed
disapproval (for what did he want with Handel?), came nearer and nearer,
his face catching some reflection of hers as she went on. And when
Lottie ended, in a rapture she could not explain or understand, they all
came pressing round her, dim and blurred figures in her confused eyes.
But the girl was too greatly strained to bear their approach or hear
what they said. She broke away from them, and rushed, scarcely knowing
what she did, to Lady Caroline’s side. Lady Caroline herself was roused.
She made room for the trembling creature, and Lottie threw herself into
the corner of the capacious sofa and covered her face with her hands.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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