England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Stepmothers -- Fiction
where he had spent the morning, and where no doubt the fugitive was
seated breathless. His curiosity was raised, and his interest,
supplanting that professional eagerness about her voice which he had
expressed so largely. Why did she run away from him? Why did she refuse
to sing for him? These questions suddenly sprang into his mind, and
demanded, if not reply, yet a great deal of consideration. He could not
make up his mind what the cause could be.
As for Lottie, she could not have given any reasonable answer to these
questions, though she was the only living creature who could know why
she ran away. As a matter of fact, she did not know. The music had been
more than she could bear in the state of excitement in which she was.
Excited about things she would have been ashamed to confess any special
interest in--about her relations with the Deanery, about Lady Caroline,
and, above all, about Rollo--the wonderful strain to which she had all
unconsciously and unthinkingly, at first, given utterance, had caught
at Lottie like a hand from heaven. She had been drawn upward into the
fervour of religious ecstasy, she who was so ignorant; and when she
dropped again to earth, and was conscious once more of Rollo and of Lady
Caroline, there had come upon her a sudden sense of shame and of her own
pettiness and inability to disentangle herself from the links that drew
her to earth which was as passionate as the sudden fervour. How dare she
sing _that_ one moment, and the next be caught down to vulgar life, to
Lady Caroline and Rollo Ridsdale? Lottie would sing no more, and could
not speak, so strong was the conflict within her. She could not even
encounter the momentary _tête-à-tête_ which before she had almost wished
for. She was roused and stirred in all her being as she had never been
before, able to encounter death or grief, she thought vaguely, or
anything that was solemn and grand, but not ordinary talk, not
compliments, not the little tender devices of courtship. She flew from
the possible touch of sentiment, the half-mock, half-real flatteries
that he would be ready to say to her. Love real, and great, and solemn,
the Love of which the Italian poet speaks as twin sister of Death, was
what Lottie’s mind was prepared for; but from anything lower she fled,
with the instinct of a nature highly strained and unaccustomed to though
capable of, passion. Everything was seething in her mind, her heart
beating, the blood coursing through her veins. She felt that she could
not bear the inevitable downfall of ordinary talk. She ran out into the
soft coolness of the night, the great quiet and calm of the sleeping
place, a fugitive driven by this new wind of strange emotion. The shadow
of the Abbey was grateful to her, lying dimly half-way across the broad
silent road--and the dim lamp in her own window seemed to point out a
refuge from her thoughts. She rushed across the empty road, like a ghost
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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