England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Stepmothers -- Fiction
Lottie’s silence, however, was not patience, neither was it any want of
susceptibility to what had been said. Even this, probably, she would
have felt more had her mind not been preoccupied by her great
resolution. But when she found herself in the Abbey, abstracted from all
external circumstances, the great voice of the organ filling the
beautiful place, the people silently filling up the seats, the choir in
their white robes filing in, it seemed very strange to Lottie that the
service could go on as it did, undisturbed by the beats of her heart and
the commotion of her thoughts. Enough trouble and tumult to drown even
the music were in that one corner where she leant her shoulder against
the old dark oak, finding some comfort in the physical support. And she
did not, it must be allowed, pay very much attention to the service; her
voice joined in the responses fitfully, but her heart wandered far away.
No, not far away. Mr. Ashford’s counsel, and her father’s, kept coming
and going through her mind. Truth to tell, Captain Despard’s decision
against the possibility of work gave work an instant value in his
daughter’s eyes. We do not defend Lottie for her undutifulness; but as
most of the things she had cared for in her life had been opposed by her
father, and all the things against which she set her face in fierceness
of youthful virtue were supported by him, it could scarcely be expected
that his verdict would be very effectual with her. It gave her a little
spirit and encouragement in her newly-formed resolution, and it helped
her a little to overcome the prejudice in her mind when she felt that
her father was in favour of that prejudice. He did not want her to work,
to bring the discredit of a daughter who earned her own living upon him;
he wanted to sell her to any one who would offer for her, to make her
“catch” some man, to put forth wiles to attract him and bring him into
her net. Lottie, who believed in love, and who believed in womanhood,
with such a faith as perhaps girls only possess: what silent rage and
horror filled her at this thought! She believed in womanhood, not so
much in herself. For the sake of that abstraction, not for her own, she
wanted to be wooed reverently, respected above all. A man, to be a
perfect man, ought to look upon every woman as a princess of romance:
not for her individual sake so much as for his sake, that he might fall
short of no nobleness and perfection. This was Lottie’s theory
throughout. She would have Law reverence his sister, and tenderly care
for her, because that would prove Law to be of the noblest kind of men.
She wanted to be worshipped in order to prove triumphantly to herself
that the man who did so was an heroic lover. This was how Rollo had
caught her imagination, her deceived imagination, which put into Rollo’s
looks and words so much that was not really there. This simple yet
superlative thread of romance ran through all her thoughts. She leaned
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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