England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Stepmothers -- Fiction
comfort it was to talk things over--but, then, whom could I talk them
over with? Law, who thinks it best not to think, never to mind--but
sometimes one is obliged to mind: or Mrs. O’Shaughnessy, whom I cannot
say everything to---- or;--Mr. Ridsdale!” said Lottie, in alarm--“pray,
pray forgive me if I have bored you. I have been pouring out everything
to you. I never thought--I did not intend----”
“Don’t tell me that,” he said. “I hoped you did intend to confide in me,
to trust to my sympathy. Who can be so much interested? to whom can it
be so important----?” He leaned forward closer to her, and Lottie
instinctively drew away from him a hairs-breadth; but she thought that
quite natural too, as natural as that she should be able to speak to him
better than to anyone else. They had both made the whole avowal of their
hearts in saying these words; but it had not been done in words which
frightened either or changed their position towards each other.
Meanwhile she was content enough, quieted by the sense of leaning her
trouble upon him, while he was gradually growing into agitation. Lottie
had got all her emergency required--his sympathy, his support, the
understanding that was so dear to her. After all her trouble she had a
moment of ease; her heart was no longer sore, but soothed with the balm
of his tender pity and indignation.
But that which calmed Lottie threw Rollo into ever-increasing agitation.
A man who has said so much as that to a girl, especially to one who is
in difficulty and trouble, is bound even to himself to say more. The
crisis began for him where for her it momentarily ended. To love her
and as good as tell her so, to receive, thus ingenuously given, that
confession of instinctive reliance upon him which was as good as a
betrayal of her love; and to let her go and say nothing more--could a
man do that and yet be a man? Rollo was not a man who had done right all
the days of his life. He had been in very strange company, and had gone
through many an adventure; but he was a man whom vice had never done
more than touch. Even among people of bad morals he had not known how to
abandon the instincts of honour; and in such an emergency what was he to
do? Words came thronging to his lips, but his mind was distracted with
his own helplessness. What had he to offer? how could he marry? he asked
himself with a kind of despair. Yet something must be thought of,
something suggested. “Lottie,” he said after that strange
pause--“Lottie--I cannot call you Miss Despard any more, as if I were a
stranger. Lottie, you know very well that I love you. I am as poor as
you are, but I cannot bear this. You must trust to me for
everything--you must--Lottie, you are not afraid to trust yourself to
me--you don’t doubt me?” he cried. His mind was driven wildly from one
side to another. Marry! how could he marry in his circumstances? Was it
possible that there was anything else that would answer the purpose, any
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