England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Stepmothers -- Fiction
Well--but then despair was not paramount in her thoughts. She made a
stand for a moment with wild panic before the sudden danger. What was it
that was going to happen? Lottie gave a momentary gasp as a swimmer
might do making the first plunge; and then, like the swimmer, lo! struck
off with one quick movement into the sunshine and the smoothest gentle
current. Change! the air was full of it, the world was full of it, the
sky was beautiful with it, and her heart sprang to meet it. Do you think
a girl of twenty on the verge of love, once left free to silence and
musing, was likely to forget her own dreams in order to plunge into dark
reveries as to what would happen to her if her father married again? Not
Lottie, at least. She launched herself indeed on this subject, the
corners of her mouth dropping, a gleam of panic in her eyes; but
something caught her midway. Ah! it was like the touch of a magician’s
wand. What did it matter to Lottie what might happen to other people;
had not everything that was wonderful, everything that was beautiful,
begun to happen to herself? She floated off insensibly into that
delicious current of her own thoughts, losing herself in imaginary
scenes and dialogues. She lost her look of terror without knowing it, a
faint smile came upon her face, a faint colour, now heightening, now
paling, went and came like breath. Sometimes she resumed her work, and
her needle sped through her mending like the shuttle of the Fates;
sometimes it dropped out of her hand altogether, and the work upon her
knee. She lost count of time and of what she was doing. What was she
doing? She was weaving a poem, a play, a romance, as she sat with her
basket of stockings to darn. The _mise en scène_ was varied, but the
personages always the same; two personages--never any more; sometimes
they only looked at each other, saying nothing; sometimes they talked
for hours; and constantly in their talk they were approaching one
subject, which something always occurred to postpone. This indefinite
postponement of the explanation which, even in fiction, is a device
which must be used sparingly, can be indulged in without stint in the
private imagination, and Lottie in her romance took full advantage of
this power. She approached the borders of her _éclaircissement_ a
hundred times, and evaded it with the most delicate skill, feeling by
instinct the superior charm of the vague and undecided, and how love
itself loses its variety, its infinite novelty, and delightfulness, when
it has declared and acknowledged itself. Law, in his room with his big
book, comforting himself under the confused and painful study to which
the shock of last night’s suggestion had driven him by the idea that
Lottie too must be as uncomfortable as himself, was as much mistaken as
it was possible to imagine. His compunction and his satisfaction were
equally thrown away. Still the feeling that he had startled her, and the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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