Families -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- History -- 19th century -- Fiction
Its mockery of his ignoble majesty pursued him everywhere he went. He
heard it when he sat on the bench and glowered down at the wretches
who came before him with their pleading counselors. It made a vanity
of all dignity, of justice. And what was “justice” indeed, but a crime
against the helpless? First, their passions swept them into deeds they
did not want to commit; then other men seized them and added disgrace
to remorse.
Which was the higher duty—the father’s to fight the world for his
young? Or the judge’s to defend an imaginary ideal against the laws of
mercy?
His soul was in utter disarray and he found only shame whichever way he
turned. He went back to the country perplexed to a frenzy.
Patty greeted him with such a look as a sick she-wolf would give the
mate that slunk about the den where her young were whimpering. She
would not let him see his daughter.
He retreated to his library and was too dispirited to build a fire. He
stood in the bitter cold and stared through a frost-film at the forlorn
moon freezing in a steel-blue sky above an ice-encrusted world.
He was shaken from his torpor by a cry, a lancinating shriek, by cry
upon cry. He ran like a man shot full of arrows, but the door was
locked and Patty called to him to go away.
He leaned against the wall, useless, inane, while his child babbled and
screamed, then only moaned and was silent a while, then screamed anew,
and was silent again.
Agony rose and ebbed in her like a quick storm-tide, and he knew that
the old hag Nature, the ruthless midwife, was rending and twisting her
and rejoicing, laughing triumphantly at every throe. He wondered why he
had made no arrangements for Immy to be anæsthetized. It was too late
now.
This was that holy mystery, that divine crisis for which she was born.
He had endured the same torture when Immy was born. But then there was
pride and boasting as the recompense; now, the publication of shame,
the branding, the scarlet A, and the pillory.
Then the nurse had beamed upon him as she placed in his arms for a
moment the blessing of heaven.
Now, after a maddening delay, Patty would doubtless come to the door
and thrust upon him a squirming blanketful of noisy misery and of
lifelong disgrace.
He began to drift like a prisoner in a cell. Patty would not let him in
and he would have been afraid to enter. He went back to his library as
an old horse returns to its stall from habit. He paced the floor and
stood at the window, guiltily observing the road to see if anyone had
heard the clamor and were coming in to ask if murder were being done.
But no one moved. Even the shadows were still, frozen to the snow. Not
an owl hunted; not a field mouse scuttered. The moon seemed not to
budge. She was but a spot of glare ice on a sky tingling with stars.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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