"My poor child," he said, "could you imagine I was frowning at
you?--brave little soldier that you are, braver and stronger in your
way and place than I in mine. God bless you, no. I felt savage to
think that in this nineteenth century, and right under the shadow
of our church spires, this diabolical cruelty is permitted to go
on year after year. Oh, I know all about it, Miss Mildred; you are
not the first one by hundreds and hundreds. I wish I could give you
more than sympathy, and that some other way would open--we must
find some other way for you--but you have no idea how many are
worse off in these bad times than you are--worthy people who are
willing to work, but cannot get work. If it seems to you that I
cannot do very much for you, remember that there are scores who,
for the time, seem to have no resources at all. I trust you may
soon hear such tidings from your father as will bring relief to
both body and mind. And now, my child, don't let a morbid conscience
add to your burdens. When you are as greatly in need of rest as you
were last Sunday, don't come to the chapel. I'll take your class,
or find a substitute."
In a few minutes he was gone; but they were not alone, for he had
made them conscious of One who is touched with the feeling of our
infirmities.
How was the absent husband and father fulfilling the hopes that
daily turned to him, but found no reward? He was literally writhing
under chains that, to his horror, he could not break. He had found
on shipboard that sudden and complete abstinence irom the drug
brought a torture of mind and body that he could not endure, and
now he was learning, in sickening fear, that he could not gradually
reduce his daily allowance below a certain point without immediate
sufferings beyond his fortitude to sustain.
The room in the Inquisition, whose circular walls, studded with
long, sharp spikes, gradually closed upon and pierced the victim,
had its spiritual counterpart in his present condition. He was shut
in on every side. If he made a push for liberty by abstaining from
the drug, he was met and driven back by many nameless agonies. He
seemed to recoil, inevitably, as if from steel barbs. Meanwhile
the walls were closing in upon him. In order to prevent life from
being a continuous burden, in order to maintain even the semblance
of strength and manhood, so that he might have some chance of finding
employment, he had to increase the quantity of morphia daily; but
each succeeding indulgence brought nearer the hour when the drug
would produce pain--pain only, and death. After a week or two of
futile and spasmodic effort he drifted on in the old way, occasionally
suffering untold agony in remorse and self-loathing, but stifling
conscience, memory, and reason, as far as possible, by continuous
stimulation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account