Nevertheless this thought, like an evil seed, sprang up into a speedy
but not rank growth. Arnold saw that his family would regard his
marriage as an outrage which they would resent in every possible way,
and that their hostility now was but an ill-concealed, smouldering
fire. The relation to him would not be what his brother suggested,
but as sacred and binding as marriage. His unhealthful reading, his
long years abroad, and the radical weakness of his nature prepared
him to accept this solution as the easiest and best that circumstances
permitted of. He justly doubted whether he would soon, if ever,
gain the power of being independent. He knew nothing of business,
and hated its turmoil and distractions, and while for Mildred's
sake he would attempt anything and suffer anything, he had all
the unconquerable shrinking from a manful push out into the world
which a timid man feels at the prospect of a battle. He had been
systematically trained into weakness, and he felt that men, when
he came to compete with them, would discover and take advantage of
his defects. His cold, haughty reticence was but disguised timidity.
In Mildred's presence he ever showed the best side of his nature,
and his lonely, repressed life had always touched the tenderest chords
of her heart. If their love had been smiled upon from the first,
how different would have been his fate! She would have tenderly
developed his dwarfed, crushed manhood, and the result would have
been happiness for them both.
"Millie," said Arnold, one starlight night, "do you care very much
for the world's opinions?" They were sitting on the platform above
the old mansion. The German astronomer, after grumbling awhile at
an obscuring haze, had gone downstairs in disgust, and left the
lovers to themselves.
"No, Vinton, I never cared much for the world at any time, and now
I have an almost morbid impulse to shrink from it altogether. I'm
like my dear mamma. Home was her world. Poor, dear mamma!" and she
buried her face on his shoulder and shed tears that his presence
robbed of much of their bitterness.
"I not only do not care for the world," he said impetuously, "but
I hate it. I've been dragged through it, and have ever found it a
desert, stony place. My heart just aches for the sweet quiet and
seclusion of such a home as you could make, Millie. As it is, I
have no home. A hollow iceberg could not be more cold and joyless
than my present abode. Neither have you a home. It is only in stolen
moments like these, liable to interruption, that we can speak of
what is in our hearts;" and then, prompted by his feelings, longings,
and the apparently friendless condition of the girl whose head
rested so trustingly on his breast, he broached the scheme of life
that had taken possession of his imagination.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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