"Days and weeks have worn away,--that is the word,--worn away with such dull joylessness that they seem to me like the heavy dreams of a sick man. It is true this man would have married me out of lukewarm love and a thirst for money; but it is all over now. Both inclinations have kindled up into fiery passion for this Jessie Lee, and she is in love with him--a first love, deep and shy, but positive. He sees this and exults in it, utterly careless that I see and suffer. "My friends reproach me for my reckless gayety. They complain that I am too greedy of pleasure, and give myself no rest. Greedy of pleasure! I am only fleeing from pain; I cannot pause to think without loathing the past and dreading the future. I rush onward like a wounded animal, afraid to pause lest I should be tempted to lie down and bleed to death. "Lawrence has become close friends with young Bosworth. They have known each other before, it seems, and the acquaintance has been warmly renewed. There is craft and calculation in this. Let me watch and wait. I knew it. Lawrence seldom attempts to attract man or woman in vain. This morning the blinds of my window were closed, and I sat thoughtfully in the twilight of my room, listening to the murmurs of the ocean, that seemed to grow softer and more slumberous as the sun poured its silvery radiance upon them. I was very sad. No one would have complained of my spirits could they have seen me then. "All at once, voices startled me. Lawrence and young Bosworth had paused near the closed blinds of my room. Just before this, some invitation had evidently been extended to Lawrence, and he accepted it with evident satisfaction. "'Of course I will come, my good fellow. Fine shooting, a good horse, and such neighbors as the Lees, would draw a man out of paradise. You may count on me for a month.' "'Then it is settled,' answered Bosworth, with a little reserve; perhaps he was not altogether pleased that the Lees were considered as an inducement for the visit. 'Then it is settled. We will do our best to make your visit to the old house pleasant.' "They passed on after this, and left me trembling with indignation. Lawrence had made arrangements to follow Jessie Lee in a way that would commit him to nothing. Here, my presence has been some restraint upon him. In the country, his opportunities to see her will be far greater, and he will become thoroughly acquainted with all the advantages of her position. "Lawrence is going to visit his rival, Mr. Bosworth. I will visit my rival, Miss Jessie Lee, at the same time. Before the night closes in, I will have an invitation from both the young lady and her invalid mother. As for Miss Hyde, it would be a thousand years before I got one from her. She does not like me, but I will become an inmate of her friends' house nevertheless. I can almost smile when I think of the confusion this arrangement will make.