"No, it ain't them maladies that so weakens Enright he lapses into
confidences about his early love; but you see, son, Peets stops his
nose-paint; won't let him drink so much as a drop; an' bein' cut off
short on nourishment like I says, it makes Enright--at least so I
allers figgers--some childish an' light-headed. That's right; you
remove that good old Valley Tan from the menu of a party who's been
adherin' an' referrin' to it year after year for mighty likely all
his days, an' it sort o' takes the stiffenin' outen his dignity a
lot; he begins to onbend an' wax easy an' confidenshul. Is seems
then like he goes about cravin' countenance an' support. An' down
onder my belt, it strikes me at the time, an' it shore strikes me
yet, that ravishin' the canteen from Enright, nacherally enfeebles
him an' sets him to talkin' an tellin' of past days. Oh, he don't
keep up this yere onhealthful abstinence forever. Peets declar's
Enright removed from danger, an' asks him to drink, himse'f, inside
of two weeks.
"'Where a gent,' says Peets, elab'ratin' this yere theery of not
drinkin' none, 'has been crookin' his elbow constant, an' then goes
wrong, bodily, it's a great play to stop his nose-paint abrupt. It's
a shock to him, same as a extra ace in a poker deck; an' when a
gent' is ill, shocks is what he needs.'
"'But let me savey about this,' says Dan Boggs, who's allers a heap
inquis'tive an' searchin' after knowledge; 'do you-all impose this
onwonted sobriety as a penalty, or do you make the play meedic'nal?'
Meedic'nal,' says Peets. 'In extreme cases, sobriety is plenty
cooratif.'
"Does Enright bow to Doc Peets' demands about no whiskey that a-way?
Son, Peets is plumb inex'rable about them preescriptions of his. He
looks on the mildest argyment ag'in 'em as personal affronts. Peets
is the most immov'ble sharp, medical, that ever I crosses up with;
an' when it comes to them preescriptions, the recklessest sport in
Arizona lays down his hand.
"Once I knows Peets to pass on the failin' condition of a tenderfoot
who's bunked in an' allows he'll die a lot over to the O. K.
Restauraw. Peets decides this yere shorthorn needs abstinence from
licker. Peets breaks the news to the onhappy victim, an' puts him on
water till the crisis shall be past. Also, Peets notified the Red
Light not to heed any requests of this party in respects to said
nose-paint.
"It turns out this sick person, bonin' for licker as is plumb
nacheral, forgets himse'f as a gent an' sort o' reckons he'll get
fraudulent with Peets. He figgers he'll jest come Injunin' into the
Red Light, quil himse'f about a few drinks surreptitious, an' then
go trackin' back to his blankets, an' Doc Peets none the wiser. So,
like I says, this yere ill person fronts softly up to the Red Light
bar an' calls for Valley Tan.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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