Bildungsromans; Feminist fiction; Women -- Employment -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
“I said you did not know me; now you see how deceived you have been. A
stern, resentful devil possessed me then, and I obeyed it. I was very
proud; full of ambitious plans and jealous love for the few I took into
my heart. Letty had brought a stain upon our honest name that time
could never wash away; had quenched my hopes in despair and shame; had
made home desolate, and destroyed my faith in every thing; for whom
could I trust, when she, the nearest and dearest creature in the world,
deceived and deserted me. I could not forgive; wrath burned hot within
me, and the desire for retribution would not be appeased till those
cruel words were said. The retribution and remorse came swift and sure;
but they came most heavily to me.”
Still standing where he had paused abruptly as he asked his question,
David wrung his strong hands together with a gesture of passionate
regret, while his face grew sharp with the remembered suffering of the
years he had given to the atonement of that wrong.
Christie put her own hand on those clenched ones, and whispered softly:
“Don’t tell me any more now: I can wait.”
“I must, and you must listen! I’ve longed to tell you, but I was
afraid; now, you shall know every thing, and then decide if you can
forgive me for Letty’s sake,” he said, so resolutely that she listened
with a face full of mute compassion.
“That little letter came to me; I never told my mother, but answered
it, and kept silent till news arrived that the ship in which Letty had
taken passage was lost. Remorse had been tugging at my heart; and, when
I knew that she was dead, I forgave her with a vain forgiveness, and
mourned for my darling, as if she had never left me. I told my mother
then, and she did not utter one reproach; but age seemed to fall upon
her all at once, and the pathetic quietude you see.
“Then, but for her, I should have been desperate; for day and night
Letty’s face haunted me; Letty’s voice cried: ‘Take me home!’ and every
word of that imploring letter burned before my eyes as if written in
fire. Do you wonder now that I hid myself; that I had no heart to try
for any honorable place in the world, and only struggled to forget,
only hoped to expiate my sin?”
With his head bowed down upon his breast, David stood silent, asking
himself if he had even now done enough to win the reward he coveted.
Christie’s voice seemed to answer him; for she said, with heartfelt
gratitude and respect:
“Surely you have atoned for that harshness to one woman by years of
devotion to many. Was it this that made you ’a brother of girls,’ as
Mr. Power once called you? And, when I asked what he meant, he said the
Arabs call a man that who has ‘a clean heart to love all women as his
sisters, and strength and courage to fight for their protection!’”
She hoped to lighten his trouble a little, and spoke with a smile that
was like cordial to poor David.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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