Bildungsromans; Feminist fiction; Women -- Employment -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
Never had sweeter tears fallen than those that dropped upon the little
tree as Christie took it in her arms, and all the rosy clusters leaned
toward her as if eager to deliver tender messages. Surely her wish was
granted now, for friendly hands had been at work for her. Warm against
her heart lay words as precious as if uttered by a loving voice, and
nowhere, on that happy night, stood a fairer Christmas tree than that
which bloomed so beautifully from the heart of a Magdalen who loved
much and was forgiven.
CHAPTER VII.
THROUGH THE MIST.
The year that followed was the saddest Christie had ever known, for she
suffered a sort of poverty which is more difficult to bear than actual
want, since money cannot lighten it, and the rarest charity alone can
minister to it. Her heart was empty and she could not fill it; her soul
was hungry and she could not feed it; life was cold and dark and she
could not warm and brighten it, for she knew not where to go.
She tried to help herself by all the means in her power, and when
effort after effort failed she said: “I am not good enough yet to
deserve happiness. I think too much of human love, too little of
divine. When I have made God my friend perhaps He will let me find and
keep one heart to make life happy with. How shall I know God? Who will
tell me where to find Him, and help me to love and lean upon Him as I
ought?”
In all sincerity she asked these questions, in all sincerity she began
her search, and with pathetic patience waited for an answer. She read
many books, some wise, some vague, some full of superstition, all
unsatisfactory to one who wanted a living God. She went to many
churches, studied many creeds, and watched their fruits as well as she
could; but still remained unsatisfied. Some were cold and narrow, some
seemed theatrical and superficial, some stern and terrible, none
simple, sweet, and strong enough for humanity’s many needs. There was
too much machinery, too many walls, laws, and penalties between the
Father and His children. Too much fear, too little love; too many
saints and intercessors; too little faith in the instincts of the soul
which turns to God as flowers to the sun. Too much idle strife about
names and creeds; too little knowledge of the natural religion which
has no name but godliness, whose creed is boundless and benignant as
the sunshine, whose faith is as the tender trust of little children in
their mother’s love.
Nowhere did Christie find this all-sustaining power, this paternal
friend, and comforter, and after months of patient searching she gave
up her quest, saying, despondently:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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