Howells, William Dean, 1837-1920 -- Childhood and youth
and my soul detests obscurity still. That is perhaps why I am beating
out my meaning here at the risk of beating it into thin air.
In the final judgment of my father's help and unhelp in my endeavors, I
should say that they were the measure of his possibility. For a man of
his conditioning he had a wonderful outlook in many directions on life,
but he was without perspective; he could not see how my unaided efforts
were driving to the vanishing-point. He had been my instructor in many
things beyond my young ken; he had an instinct for beauty and truth; he
loved the poetry which was the best in his youth, though he did not deny
me the belief that the poetry of mine was better still; his gentle
intelligence could follow me where his liking failed, and he modestly
accepted my opinions. His interest had once been absorbed mostly, but
not wholly, by the faith which he had imbibed from his reading of
Swedenborg, but when I began to know him as a boy may know his elder, he
was more and more concerned in the national struggle with the
pro-slavery aggression. Politics had always been his main worldly
interest, and not only as to measures; he passionately favored certain
men, because he liked the nature of them, as well as because he believed
them right. It seems to me now that he took a personal interest in
conventions and nominations, but I am not sure, for I myself took no
interest whatever in them; their realities did not concern me so much as
the least unrealities of fiction; and I can only make sure of my
father's interest in the elections after the nominations. I suppose that
he was not very skilled in practical politics, as log-rolling and
wire-pulling have come to be called, though in a village which was the
home of a United States Senator, a Congressional Representative, a State
Senator, and a Legislative Representative, with the full corps of county
office-holders, and a Common Pleas Judge, the science might well have
forced itself upon his study. Many years after our coming to the Western
Reserve he was sent to the State Senate by a war-majority larger than
any majority which had yet returned a candidate, or yet has; but long
before that he began to find his way beyond the local favor or disfavor,
and was chosen one of the House clerks in the State Legislature. That
must have been when I was eighteen years old, but he seems to have left
our newspaper to my sole charge without misgiving, and fortunately no
trouble came of his trust in me. I was then taking my civic and social
opinions from the more Tory of the English quarterlies, but nobody knew
what I meant by them; I did not know myself, and I did no harm with
them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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