Country life -- England -- Fiction; England -- Social conditions -- 19th century -- Fiction; Rural poor -- England -- Fiction
A terrible sensation seized him.--Why should he give the letter to-
night?
'You promised,' whispered the inner voice.
'No, I did not promise exactly, in so many words; that is, I only
said I would be at home to-night, if God pleased. And what if God
should not please?--I promised for his good. What if, on second
thoughts, it should be better for him not to keep my promise?' A
moment afterwards, he tossed the temptation from him indignantly:
but back it came. At every gaudy shop, at every smoke-grimed
manufactory, at the face of every anxious victim of Mammon, of every
sturdy, cheerful artisan, the fiend winked and pointed, crying, 'And
what if he be ruined? Look at the thousands who have, and are
miserable--at the millions who have not, and are no sadder than
their own tyrants.'
Again and again he thrust the thought from him, but more and more
weakly. His whole frame shook; the perspiration stood on his
forehead. As he took his railway ticket, his look was so haggard
and painful that the clerk asked him whether he were ill. The train
was just starting; he threw himself into a carriage--he would have
locked himself in if he could; and felt an inexpressible relief when
he found himself rushing past houses and market-gardens, whirled
onward, whether he would or not, in the right path--homeward.
But was it the right path? for again the temptation flitted past
him. He threw himself back, and tried to ask counsel of One above;
but there was no answer, nor any that regarded. His heart was
silent, and dark as midnight fog. Why should there have been an
answer? He had not listened to the voice within. Did he wish for a
miracle to show him his duty?
'Not that I care for detection,' he said to himself. 'What is shame
to me? Is it not a glory to be evil-spoken of in the cause of God?
How can the world appreciate the motives of those who are not of the
world?--the divine wisdom of the serpent--at once the saint's
peculiar weapon, and a part of his peculiar cross, when men call him
a deceiver, because they confound, forsooth, his spiritual subtlety
with their earthly cunning. Have I not been called "liar,"
"hypocrite," "Jesuit," often enough already, to harden me towards
bearing that name once again?'
That led him into sad thoughts of his last few years' career,--of
the friends and pupils whose secession to Rome had been attributed
to his hypocrisy, his 'disguised Romanism;' and then the remembrance
of poor Luke Smith flashed across him for the first time since he
left the bank.
'I must see him,' he said to himself; 'I must argue with him face to
face. Who knows but that it may be given even to my unworthiness to
snatch him from this accursed slough?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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