How long she sat there she could not tell. Now she did not cry, and
thought had left her; yet, in some dim way, she had made her resolution,
and news of it was carried to her mind.
She combed out her hair steadily and plaited it; she put on her lavender
dressing-gown, and the shoes that matched it, and she bathed her face.
It was white, and seemed to have fallen thinner in that hour, for she
had touched a deeper tragedy than her mother's death. She must be
honest, but such an honesty tore the heart from her.
She unlocked the little box where she kept no other thing than
Alexander's letter. She took it out and held it fast between her palms,
but she did not read it. She raised the upper hand, and laid her cheek
in its place.
"I ought not to have kept you," she said, and gave a little moan. "But
it's not because you're a man, Alexander; it's because you are a spirit.
You and Father are the only ones I've known. Must I resign you to keep
the other things? You see, Alexander, I do want the other things--a
home, and love, and--other things. But oh, there's no need to tell you,
for you know--you know."
She opened her door softly. The landing lights were out, no light came
from the hall, but as she followed the staircase curve she saw a golden
streak under the door of the smoking-room. A little nearer, and she
smelt tobacco. She entered, and saw Morton deep in a leather-covered
chair. He sprang to his feet.
She appeared to him like a sprite. She was pale and small, she seemed to
be overweighted by her hair, and the movements of her dressing-gown
revealed white ankles and white arms. The tender little hollow of her
neck was plain to him, and though he had seen it that very night it had
seemed a more modest thing than this between the close folds of her
gown.
She shut the door. "Basil. I want to talk to you."
"Not now, dear." He put the cigar on the mantelpiece, and held his hands
behind his back. "You must go to bed now. It's after twelve. Haven't you
been to sleep?"
"No; I've been thinking." She looked at him with wide, strained eyes. He
had never seen her so simple and so frail. "There's something I must
tell you."
"Is it so very important?"
Her voice quivered. "You may not think so."
"Can't it wait? Darling, you mustn't sit here with me at this hour of
night with all the house asleep."
"For me, there's no one in the house but you, and you are awake." She
put out her left hand, but dropped it when he did not take it. She went
on, with the hand at her throat. "There's a great gap in my life I've
never told you of. I don't feel honest. I want to tell you everything
to-night, and go on clear."
"Are you sure you're not asleep now, Theresa darling?" He drew nearer,
and she leaned against him.
"Basil, help me."
He held her off. "Not now. You must go back. You are over-tired, dear.
You've not been well all day."
"It's my soul that's sick," she said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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