She knelt there, crying because he would not look at her, and, for the
first time, had no kind word. It seemed impossible that she should go on
living in a world without his voice, but she knew he had meant to
silence it so that he might give her something else. And she was not, in
truth, unhappy. She knew she was in the presence of a love infinitely
greater than any death, enduring when even the signs of death had
crumbled into dust and been gathered in to feed the eager body of earth,
and by that love she was ennobled beyond grief.
She dried her tears, smoothed back the grey wisp of hair her breathing
had disturbed, and went to the chair where Alexander had neatly laid her
father's clothes. She thought there might be a letter for her there, but
she found only the book of Shakespeare's sonnets which she had given
him, and inside it the latest picture of herself and one of Nancy's
youth.
She knelt by the widely opened window, and sensed the night. She thought
his spirit must be out there among the hills he loved; that he saw her
by the window, and could hear what she was telling him; knew what she
was thinking, and felt the swamping pain of her regrets. She stretched
her hands over the window-sill, forgetful of the figure on the bed,
appealing only to the departed spirit companioning the stars.
"You need not have done it," she said, "if I hadn't been so proud. But
I didn't tell you. Did you think you would never manage for us to meet?
And all the time, all the time, I loved him. Oh, why did I not tell you?
Forgive me, dear, forgive me. I was unfaithful to him and cruel to you,
and now----But how could I reckon with anyone as good as you?" Her head
drooped and rested on the woodwork, and she looked down the long avenue
of people she had loved and hurt. She lifted her head and beat her hands
upon the sill. "But I did love you, and you knew it--at least, I never
failed in giving love."
A low tap came on the door, and she opened it to Alexander.
"Won't you come downstairs?"
"Yes, I'm coming now." She kissed her father. "Say good-night to him."
He, too, stooped and kissed him. "He was the first man that was ever
kind to me."
Speaking seldom, they sat together in the parlour. They were both idle,
but Alexander smoked, and now and then they would lift their eyes from
the fire and look across the little space dividing them, and through the
smoke wreaths Alexander's eyes would soften at the sight of Theresa's
smiles. His memory was already stored with them. There was the frank one
for friendship, the slow one for thought; the little, twisted, mocking
one, the quick one that was an affirmation; and now this wavering one
that came with a pale flood of colour, and would not be stilled, and
stirred his heart as the lake water stirred the reeds.
Looking at his watch, he bade her to bed at last, and she rose with a
strange pleasure in obedience.
"You won't be afraid?" he asked.
"No. Will you be very far away?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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