He looked round the room. Everywhere the dust lay thick, and in the
hearth were the torn fragments of letters he had thrown there two weeks
ago. He looked at his frayed cuffs, he was aware of his buttonless
shirt, and he did not like to think of the children's underlinen. He had
no doubt that it was clean, but he knew it would be unmended. Neglect
working with poverty is ruthless in destruction, and he sat like a man
helpless under a threatened violence of storm. So this room, and the one
downstairs littered with newspapers, books, and odds and ends of sewing,
with the knob of the sideboard still waiting for glue, were produced by
Nancy's best efforts! He did not want that knob restored to a place
where it was not necessary a knob should be, but the meaning of its
absence was sinister. There was much sweetness in Nancy, but there was
little help, and she looked ill. His cares dragged at him, and there was
only himself to lift them until the day when Theresa's strong young
hands would cast them off. But there was Grace. Vigorously, and with a
quick memory of Alexander's wet head appearing above the water of the
pool, he remembered her. He blamed himself for his ingratitude to the
nimble toes which would earn a little salary for her next year. "I do
not think of her enough," he murmured. "Wrong of me. Nancy sees it,
Alexander sees it. Yet I love her." Her success, he considered, would
mean much to Theresa; college, perhaps--hope gleamed a little--she ought
to go to college, and it might be managed. He must have courage. For a
moment he dreamed of commercial conquests, of new customers and large
commissions, but he had dreamed before, and he had not Janet's gift for
dreaming true. He roused himself to facts, and one of the hardest of
them was his brother George. In the last resort, there was brother
George, who lived in lodgings with a harmonium, and longed for a home.
He was a man of some substance, a dealer in grains, willing to pay
dearly for what he wanted, and shrinkingly Edward Webb foresaw the day
when George would have that home offered to him, not out of pity for his
loneliness or desire for his company, but for the money he could
give--money which would help Theresa on the road to fame and allow Nancy
to feel ill in comfort. She ought to see a doctor. There were hollows in
the cheeks he had known so fresh and full, and her touch was nerveless.
His heart shook with fear, for he loved her still with the strange
disturbance of his youth. He clenched his fists and shook them. To be so
powerless, so powerless, though he strove his mightiest! His soul was
fretted; life was a jumble; he saw himself struggling along an endless,
dusty road, white to the knees, eyes blinded and throat parched. There
stretched before him years more of such travelling, yet--and his hands
unclenched themselves--was he not greatly blessed? His eyes were
sometimes cleansed by a sight of stars above the hills; he stooped now
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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