Yorksher Puddin': A Collection of the Most Popular Dialect Stories from the Pen of John HartleyHartley, John
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Yorksher Puddin': A Collection of the Most Popular Dialect Stories from the Pen of John Hartley
Hartley, John
English language -- Dialects -- England -- Yorkshire; Yorkshire (England) -- Fiction
Women have a deal better way o'managin' that sooart o' thing nor what
men have. Ther are times when we're all brimful o' summat, th' steam's
up, an' if we connot find a safety valve we shall brust. Nah, a woman
drives up to th' elbows i'th' weshin' tub, or rives all th' carpets up,
or pools all th' pots aght o'th' cubboard an' puts 'em back agean. Shoo
lets her tongue have full liberty, an' what wi' talkin', an' sweatin',
an' scrub bin', an' brushin', shoo finds hersen reight daan tired, an'
after a bit ov a wesh an' snoddenin' her toppin', shoo sits daan to her
knittin' or sewin', as cooil as a cucumber, an' as ful o' gooid natur as
an egg's ful o' mait, an' her een sparkle wi' pleasure, like dewdrops
sparkle on a rose in a summer's mornin'. But wi' a chap it's different,
nine times aght o' ten he flies to th' ale pot, or else he begins
growlin' at hooam. "Th' tea's hot," or "th' muffin's cold," or "th'
butter's wor nor cart grease." "Th' childer's noisy," or "th' wife's
quiet," an' noa matter what's done for him it's all wrang. Sometimes bi
th' way ov a change, he'll pawse th' table ower, an' braik as mony pots
as it'll tak a gooid part ov a week's wage to replace, an' at last,
after makin' iverybody abaght him miserable, he'll goa to bed lukin' as
black as a mule an' sleep woll mornin', when (unless he's ova bad
sooart) he'll feel reight daan shamed ov hissel, an' set to wark to put
things reight agean. Nah, Zantippa wor just i' one o' these moods; an'
shoo made th' beds, coom daan stairs, an' weshed all th' pots, scaled
th' fire an' took the ass aght, gave th' hearthstun another dooas o'
idleback, scattered a bit ov fresh sand o' th' floor, an' after weshin'
hersen, an' donin' a clean print dress, shoo laid th' table ready for
th' teah, gate th' kettle onto th' rib, an' sat daan wi' her bag ful o'
worset an' a heap o' stockins, an', as shoo luk'd raand shoo felt as
pleased as Punch to see what a difference shoo'd been able ta mak in an
haar or two. "Aw'm nooan sooary 'at aw stopt at hooam," shoo said to
hersen. "Aw know Dick'll be suited when he sees all fettled up, an' if
aw get theas stockins done ta neet the'll be aght o'th gate. Aw wonder
ha it wor 'at he tuk things sooa quietly this nooin; aw dooant think
it's reight when a chap's been work in' iver sin six o'clock ov a
mornin' for him to come hooam an' find noa dinner ready. Reight enuff, a
woman's plenty to do to follow her haase, an' cook, an' mend, but if
ther wor noa wage comin' in, ther'd be less cookin' an' moor mendin',
aw've a noation. Aw've made up mi mind woll aw've been sidin' up 'at
aw'll nut waste mi time as aw have done, talkin' an' gossippin', for
ther's noa gooid comes on it, an' altho' aw want to keep thick wi' mi
neighbors, aw'm determined aw'll chop that sooart o' thing off at once;
for my mother used to tell me, 'If ther were noa listeners, ther'd be
noa taletellers;' an' th' time 'at one spends is war nor wasted, for it
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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