Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in LifeCannan, Gilbert
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Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in Life
Cannan, Gilbert
English fiction -- 20th century
The last sheet was terrible. It contained only a brief description of
his room, the grubby ceiling, the sacks on which he lay, the peeling
paper on the walls, the cracked window stuffed with rags.
"I lick my lips," he wrote in a savage scrawl. "Bitter!" Then he had
made a blot thus:
[Image: A black circle approximately 5 mm in diameter]
and against it he had written: "My world."
Twice after René had read the manuscript did Old Lunt appear in the
yard, but he crept away as soon as there seemed any danger of his
being accosted. And then he did not come again.
A busy time followed, and he was forgotten except that, to please him,
René had ordered a typewritten copy of the poem to be made--that being
the nearest possible approach to the book of his desire. This copy
came home at last. Ann was asked to bind it, and did so neatly with
the green cloth she had for flower stalks. Then, a night or two later,
it was taken to Kilner, for him to decorate the cover. He had been
told of it, tried to read it, but could not. However, he designed a
decoration for the cover and printed the title and the author's name
in bold letters, and beneath each he placed a blot. That part of the
manuscript appealed to him more than all the rest.
"That," he said, "is what the world is to all your comfortable people,
behind the charm and excitement with which they cover and disguise it.
The only difference between them and your old man is that he fought to
get some light on it and lost. I would rather be he than they. He does
take his world with him; theirs they leave behind, caught in the
meshes of their factitious morals and conventions."
"But," said René, "isn't he leaving his world all written out?"
"No, the tale of how he sank beneath its weight. It is true enough,
anyhow, to have stirred you into a desire to give him pleasure. He has
roused you exactly as I have been trying to do these last months."
"That's true. I do keep trying to get light on that little black
world, but I say to myself that after all the sun's light is quite
enough."
"It's enough for beasts and trees. It isn't enough for men unless they
will consent to live like beasts, at the mercy of their instincts, in
competition with the beasts, and have a very nasty time of it. No. No.
The light your friend was after is the light of the imagination. Let
your light so shine. He had never had it, never more than the will to
have it. Probably he drank or took to some other form of vice to
console himself in his more difficult moments. You'll never know.
Probably we all know that is worth knowing. Young men often make blots
like that because life is such an infernal long time in beginning; but
for an old man--well, it looks like a sober conclusion, as though he
really had faced a fact, and had the sense of humor to go on living in
spite of it. There!"
He had finished the cover.
"I hope he'll like it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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