Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in LifeCannan, Gilbert
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Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in Life
Cannan, Gilbert
English fiction -- 20th century
René sat on gloomily in the outer room, listening, waiting for her to
go to sleep. He was full of resentment against he knew not what. Her
almost cynical practicality? Her acceptance without wonder of the new
fact? As with the rest of his life, so now he was able to detach
himself from her. She had been pleased with him because he had begun
to make provision, as she thought, against the probable event. She had
announced the event as one regretting the pleasantness of the past,
almost as one diffidently presenting a bill--commercialization.
Horribly their relationship was stripped of their individualities;
they were just a man and a woman separated by that which they had
together created. They had known kindness and fellowship, mutual
forbearance and gratitude, and now they were despoiled of these good
things. He was left impotent while she bowed to the disagreeable fact
and was absorbed in it. And he began to see that they had long been
borne toward this separation, and to escape from the pain of it he had
turned to Kilner and the things of the mind, while she had comforted
herself with the things of the flesh, the sufferings of the
child-ridden Rita, who now seemed to him typical of the life of the
mews, a creature crushed by circumstance, by responsibilities which
she could not face, a house which she could not clean, children whom
she could neither feed nor clothe, a husband whom she was unable to
keep from deterioration. And to think that for one moment he had seen
beauty in her, when she had appeared almost as a symbol of maternity,
which must be--must it not?--always and invariably beautiful and to be
worshiped. His idealism came crumbling down as he could not away with
the knowledge that Ann had lost in beauty for him.
It was no revulsion, no withering of his feeling for her; rather it
was that the brutal fact had a burning quality to peel away the
trimmings from what he felt.
He found himself groping back in his life before Ann came into it.
Nothing quite the same had happened to him before. The perishing of
his young desire had left him in a whirling excitement which contained
less torture than this obsession of cold realization. Bereft now of
all that had made his life good and pleasant and amusing, he could
only appreciate Ann and the experience that lay before her,
appreciate, but not understand. That was too horrible. She had been so
dear to him; such a good, kind, true, brave little soul. The
resentment that he could not altogether escape he visited on Rita, as
Ann had from the first visited hers on Kilner.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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