time to survey the surroundings and think of all that was, and had been,
and might be. Was it he after all that was the cause of all the
suffering? What did he know of it? The story of Lily and of John
Musgrave was a blank to him. He knew nothing of what they had suffered,
was innocent of it in reality. Had he known, would he not have given
himself up a hundred times rather than the innocent should suffer for
him? Was it he, then, or his mother, who was the cause of all? Several
times, during their long agony, such thoughts had overwhelmed
’Lizabeth’s mind. They had come over her in full force when the children
came to the Castle, and then it was that she had been brought to the
length of revealing her secret to young Lord Stanton. Now everything was
desperate about her; the little boy lost, the madman himself lost; no
telling at any moment what misery and horror might come next. She
thought this over day after day as the time passed, and no news came;
waiting in the great loneliness, with her doors all open, that he might
come in if some new impulse, or some touch of use and wont, should lead
him back, her ears intent to hear every sound; her mind prepared (she
thought) for anything; fresh violence, perhaps violence to himself;
miserable death, terrible discovery. She thought she heard his wild
whoops and cries every time the wind raved among the hills; if a
mountain stream rushed down a little quicker than usual, swollen by the
rain, over its pebbles, she thought it was his hurrying steps. It was
always of him that her thoughts were, not of her other son who was
pursuing the madman all about, subject to the same accidents, and who
might perhaps be his victim instead of his captor. She never thought of
that. But she was driven at last to a supreme resolution. Nobody could
doubt his madness, could think it was a feint put on to escape
punishment, now. And God, who was angry, might be propitiated if at last
she made Him, though unwillingly, this sacrifice, this homage to justice
and truth. This was the idea which finally prevailed in her mind. She
would go and tell her story, and perhaps an angry God would accept, and
restore the wanderer to her. If he were safe, safe even in prison, in
some asylum, it would be better at least than his wild career of madness
among all the dangers of the hills. She had risen in the morning from
her uneasy bed, where she lay half-dressed, always watching, listening
to every sound, with this determination upon her. She would propitiate
God. She would do this thing she ought to have done so long ago. She did
not deny that she ought to have done it, and now certainly she would do
it, and God would be satisfied, and the tide of fate would turn.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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