Your Child: Today and Tomorrow: Some Problems for Parents Concerning Punishment, Reasoning, Lies, Ideals and Ambitions, Fear, Work and Play, Imagination, Social Activities, Obedience, Adolescence, Will, HeredityGruenberg, Sidonie Matsner
Science
Your Child: Today and Tomorrow: Some Problems for Parents Concerning Punishment, Reasoning, Lies, Ideals and Ambitions, Fear, Work and Play, Imagination, Social Activities, Obedience, Adolescence, Will, Heredity
Gruenberg, Sidonie Matsner
Children
Answers received from hundreds of girls and boys would seem to show
that virtue and goodness are desirable to children at a certain
stage of their development chiefly, if not solely, because they
bring material or social benefits. Virtue is rewarded not by any
internal or spiritual satisfaction, but by freer access to the candy
supply or to the skating pond. The right is that which is allowable,
or that which may be practiced with impunity. The wrong is that
which is forbidden or punishable. Of course, this attitude toward
moral values should not continue through life. We should do what we
can to establish higher ideals of right and wrong. How soon this
change will come must depend very largely on where the emphasis is
laid by those around the child. If, when you give Robert a piece of
candy, you always impress him with the idea that this is his
compensation for having been "good," he will retain this association
between virtue and material reward long past the age when he can
already appreciate the satisfaction that comes from exercising his
instinct to be helpful, or from doing what he thinks is right. If,
however, the idea in the home is that all goes well and all feel
cheerful and happy because every one is trying to do the right
thing, the various indulgences and liberties will mean to the child
merely the material manifestations of the good feeling that
prevails, and not rewards of virtue. So far as possible, rewards and
punishments should be directed toward the _deed_ and not the
child. The aim should be to make the child derive his highest
satisfaction from carrying out his own ideals of conduct, rather
than from the reward for that conduct. The approbation of those he
honors and loves should gradually replace the material reward.
To the child the ideal of success may mean two entirely different
things. At one stage it may mean the satisfaction of accomplishing a
set task, whether selected by himself or imposed by some one else.
Later, it comes to mean excelling some other child in a contest.
Even a child of four or five years gets a great deal of satisfaction
from contemplating a house he has built out of his blocks, or the
row of mud pies. This satisfaction gradually comes to be something
quite distinct from the pleasure of _doing_, and is an important
element in the ideal of workmanship. As the child grows older the
ideal of successful accomplishment grows stronger, and, if it is
retained throughout life, it contributes a large share toward the
individual's happiness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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