The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
A public subscription of several thousand pounds has been proposed to be
raised towards Mr. Buckingham's losses in India; quickened by the threat
that, if not sufficient to maintain him, he would be driven to the very
dreadful necessity of "devoting the remainder of his days to useful and
honourable labour!" To avert so dire a calamity, it will be proposed
among Mr. B.'s friends to revive the old project, and send him round the
world on a voyage of discovery and commerce. He is to sail on the
_first_ of next _April_, and will take with him passengers, emigrants,
and merchandize. First exploring the British coast, he will establish a
colony of tailors at _Sheer_-ness; then offer a consignment of saddles
and bridles to the inhabitants of _Ryde_; afterwards call for Mr. Ole
_Bull_ off _Cowes_, as fiddler to the crew; from thence he will despatch
a bale of _blankets_ to _Friez_-land, and of _gloves_ to the people of
_Pau_, taking in exchange some cheap _coffee_ for charitable purposes
from _Cham-berry_. Proceeding through the Channel, he will receive a few
distressed ladies at _Bride_port on an experimental voyage to
_Beau_-maris. The _late_ ministry will accompany him as far as the _Ex_,
and at _Ply-Mouth Sound_ he will take in the _substance_ of his next
parliamentary campaign. At the _Scilly_ Islands he will try to dispose
of a heavy consignment from Paternoster Row and some leading
establishments at the west-end of the town. He will leave the Poor Law
Commissioners at their headquarters at _Flint_; thence crossing the
Atlantic, he will deposit the bones of Mr. Carus Wilson at _Long_
Island, and offer a cargo of _soft-soap_ at _Washing_ton. He will next
despatch _Stone masons_ to the _Chipaway_ country, and Carpenters to the
_Chick-a-saws_, and he will be commissioned to get a lot of _old Joes_
exchanged at _New-Found-Land_. He will supply the natives of _Chili_
with _great coats_, carry _ham_ and _beef_ to the _Sandwich_ Islands,
and _broad cloth_ to _Bombay_. He will then reach the North Pole by
taking up his ship in an air balloon, and remaining suspended, till, as
the world goes round, the arctic circle is just under his feet, when he
will drop into the midst of it. Coming home from the North, about next
St. Swithin twelvemonths, he will bring us a little _Blue_ from the
Island of _Skye_, and call off the coast of _Ayr_-shire for another
scheme to raise the _wind_. On his arrival, the wooden guns at Jack
Straw's Castle will be fired, and the town illuminated with _moonshine_.
[Illustration:
MAY.—Beating the Bounds.
]