The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
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[Illustration:
JULY.—Fancy Fair.
]
FANCY-FAIRING.
"ONLY FANCY!"
I saw her at the Fancy Fair:
'Twas there my heart she won
Within the sweet, romantic grounds
Of Mr. Jenkinson.
Her ma-in-law stood by her side,
Also her aunt Griselda;
Who all the younger brothers served,
While "Missy" served the elder.
To cure Diseases of the Ear,
They say they've oped the mart:
But _I_ think it's to propagate
Diseases of the heart.
I thought I'd buy a pair of gloves,
To get a bit of talk;
Her lily hands presented them,
A pair as white as chalk.
Then, feeling for the cash to pay,
"Oh law," says I, "I'm trick'd!"—
"Dear! what's the matter, Sir?" said she;
Said I, "My pocket's pick'd!
But never mind—I'll just step home,
Some other cash to find."—
"I reckon so!" cried some pert wag
Among the crowd behind.
To show I meant to come again,
Said I, "Miss, may I beg
My umbrella and cloak to hang
Two minutes on this peg?"
"Oh yes!" said she; and off I flew
To fetch my pocket-book;
Then hasten'd back, and out of it
A five-pound note I took.
"Pray give me change, dear Miss," said I;
"For I no more can find."—
"I vishes you may get it, Sir!"
Cried out the voice behind.
The people laughed: the lady smiled
(I thought it rather strange);
Then popp'd my note into a box,
And said, "We never change!"
I soon found what an ass I'd been
To trust in pretty features.
Thinks I,—well, this is the last time
I'll deal with these dear creatures.
Since then I've learn'd that tricks like these
Are thought quite meritorious,
And that for boning five-pound notes
These dames are quite note-orious.