The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
Seeing this game was such a good one, I became very generous towards my
parents: and a capital way it is to encourage liberality in children. I
gave mamma a very neat brass thimble, and she gave me a half-guinea
piece. Then I gave her a very pretty needle-book, which I made myself
with an ace of spades from a new pack of cards we had, and I got Sally,
our maid, to cover it with a bit of pink satin her mistress had given
her; and I made the leaves of the book, which I vandyked very nicely,
out of a piece of flannel I had had round my neck for a sore throat. It
smelt a little of hartshorn, but it was a beautiful needle-book, and
mamma was so delighted with it, that she went into town, and bought me a
gold-laced hat. Then I bought papa a pretty china tobacco-stopper; but I
am sorry to say of my dear father that he was not so generous as my
mamma or myself, for he only burst out laughing, and did not give me so
much as a half-crown piece, which was the least I expected from him "I
shan't give you anything, Bob, this time," says he; "and I wish, my boy,
you would not make any more such presents,—for, really, they are too
expensive." Expensive, indeed! I hate meanness,—even in a father.
I must tell you about the silver-edged waistcoat which Bunting gave me.
Mamma asked me about it, and I told her the truth,—that it was a present
from one of the boys for my kindness to him. Well, what does she do but
writes back to Dr. Swishtail, when I went to school, thanking him for
his attention to her dear son, and sending a shilling to the good and
grateful little boy who had given me the waistcoat!
"What waistcoat is it?" said the Doctor to me, "and who gave it you?"
"Bunting gave it me, sir," says I.
"Call Bunting:" and up the little ungrateful chap came. Would you
believe it? he burst into tears,—told that the waistcoat had been given
him by his mother, and that he had been forced to give it for a debt to
Copper Merchant, as the nasty little blackguard called me. He then said,
how, for three-halfpence, he had been compelled to pay me three
shillings (the sneak! as if he had been _obliged_ to borrow the
three-halfpence!)—how all the other boys had been swindled (swindled!)
by me in like manner,—and how, with only twelve shillings, I had managed
to scrape together four guineas.
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