The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
Old Bates and the Captain, between them, gave mamma a hundred pounds
when she left me (she had the deuce's own luck, to be sure—much more
than ever fell to _me_, I know), and as she said she _would_ try and
work for her living, it was thought best to take a house and let
lodgings, which she did. Our first and second floor paid us four guineas
a week, on an average; and the front parlour and attic made forty pounds
more. Mamma and Eliza used to have the front attic; but _I_ took that,
and they slept in the servants' bed room. Lizzy had a pretty genius for
work, and earned a guinea a week that way; so that we had got nearly two
hundred a year over the rent to keep house with,—and we got on pretty
well. Besides, women eat nothing; my women didn't care for meat for days
together sometimes,—so that it was only necessary to dress a good steak
or so for me.
Mamma would not think of my continuing in the Post-office. She said her
dear John, her husband's son, her gallant soldier, and all that, should
remain at home, and be a gentleman—which I was, certainly, though I
didn't find fifty pounds a year very much to buy clothes and be a
gentleman upon; to be sure, mother found me shirts and linen, so that
_that_ wasn't in the fifty pounds. She kicked a little at paying the
washing too; but she gave in at last, for I was her dear John, you know;
and I'm blest if I could not make her give me the gown off her back.
Fancy! once she cut up a very nice rich black silk scarf, which my
sister Waters sent her, and made me a waistcoat and two stocks of it.
She was so _very_ soft, the old lady!
* * * * *
I'd lived in this way for five years or more, making myself content with
my fifty pounds a year (_perhaps_, I'd saved a little out of it; but
that's neither here nor there). From year's end to year's end I remained
faithful to my dear mamma, never leaving her except for a month or so in
summer, when a bachelor may take a trip to Gravesend or Margate, which
would be too expensive for a family. I say a bachelor, for the fact is,
I don't know whether I am married or not—never having heard a word since
of the scoundrelly Mrs. Stubbs.
I never went to the public house before meals; for, with my beggarly
fifty pounds, I could not afford to dine away from home; but there I had
my regular seat, and used to come home _pretty glorious_, I can tell
you. Then, bed till eleven; then, breakfast and the newspaper; then, a
stroll in Hyde Park or Saint James's; then, home at half-past three to
dinner, when I jollied, as I call it, for the rest of the day. I was my
mother's delight; and thus, with a clear conscience, I managed to live
on.
* * * * *