The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
BARBER COX, AND THE CUTTING OF HIS COMB.
JANUARY.—THE ANNOUNCEMENT.
On the 1st of January, 1838, I was the master of a lovely shop in the
neighbourhood of Oxford market; of a wife, Mrs. Cox; of a business, both
in the shaving and cutting line, established three-and-thirty years; of
a girl and boy respectively of the ages of eighteen and thirteen; of a
three-windowed front, both to my first and second pair; of a young
foreman, my present partner, Mr. Orlando Crump; and of that celebrated
mixture for the human hair, invented by my late uncle, and called Cox's
Bohemian Balsam of Tokay, sold in pots at two-and-three, and
three-and-nine; the balsam, the lodgings, and the old-established
cutting and shaving business, brought me in a pretty genteel income. I
had had my girl, Jemimarann, at Hackney, to school; my dear boy,
Tuggeridge, plaited hair already beautifully; my wife at the counter
(behind the tray of patent soaps, &c.) cut as handsome a figure as
possible; and it was my hope that Orlando and my girl, who were mighty
soft upon one another, would, one day, be joined together in Hyming:
and, conjointly with my son Tug, carry on the business of hairdressers,
when their father was either dead or a gentleman; for a gentleman me and
Mrs. C. determined I should be.
Jemima was, you see, a lady herself, and of very high connexions: though
her own family had met with crosses, and was rather low. Mr. Tuggeridge,
her father, kept the famous tripe-shop, near the Pigtail and Sparrow, in
the Whitechapel Road, from which place I married her; being myself very
fond of the article, and especially when she served it to me—the dear
thing!
Jemima's father was not successful in business: and I married her, I am
proud to confess it, without a shilling. I had my hands, my house, and
my Bohemian balsam to support her!—and we had hopes from her uncle, a
mighty rich East India merchant, who, having left this country sixty
years ago, had arrived to be the head of a great house in India, and was
worth millions, we were told.