The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
"Ould fellow," said the fiend, clutching my hand in a monstrous horny
fist, "by my sowl, I'm grately plazed to meet ye in these parts: when
did ye come to Doncaster? and where do ye hang out? and how long do ye
stop?" "Came by the Edinburgh mail yesterday morning; at my old lodgings
at the saddler's, nearly opposite the Rooms: leave for town to-morrow,"
said I. "That's a nate way of doing business, sure enough," was the
commentary; "ounly I can't larn the sinse of going to a private lodging,
where, if you ordher a kidney for breakfast, you're expected to fork out
to the butcher. See how _I_ carry on the war, and never hard the ghost
of an inquiry about coin sense I sot fut in the house. A hotel's the
place for me! I've thried 'em all, from the Club-house at Kilkinny to
the Clarendon, and, by the holy poker, never wish mysilf worse luck than
such cantonments! Arrah! what more does a man require than a place
where, if he wants a bottle of claret, all he has to do is to ring the
bell for it? Dine with me to-night," continued the social economist;
"they put you to trough very respectably in this same shop: ask, and
have, that's the ticket." I declined, with thanks; urging a previous
engagement, and made a demonstration of leave-taking.—"Fill a bumper of
sparkling burgundy before you go, any how," said my hospitable host;
"you'll find it a gentlemanly morning tipple! if this be war, may we
never have pace; here's to our next merry meeting, and may we never know
the want of oceans of wine, plantations of tobacco, cart-loads of pipes,
lots of purty girls, and a large room to swear in.—Farewell."