The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
EXTRAORDINARY CIRCUMSTANCE.—Yesterday, a shabbily-dressed, half-genteel,
poetical-looking sort of man, suddenly fell down in one of the
gin-palaces in St. Giles's; after having, as it was supposed, put an end
to his existence, by swallowing a quartern of _Deady's_ Best. On taking
him, however, to the Station House, and administering large doses of
cold water (to which his stomach manifested a particular antipathy by
repeatedly serving it with an ejectment), he was sufficiently recovered
to give some account of himself; but the following lines, written on the
back of a dirty tobacco paper, found in his pocket, will sufficiently
explain the cause of the rash act. It will be seen that he was a man of
_letters_, tho' (judging from his reservedness) of very few _words_.
_To Robert Short, Esq. M.P._
DEAR BOB,—I know that U'll XQQQ
The wailings of a mournful MUUU.
While U, my friend, are at your EEE,
My creditors I can't apPPP:
I'm CD,—drooping to DK,
With not a sous my debts to pay.
So lean a wight you ne'er did C,—
I look just like an F-I-G.
My purse is MT, it is true;
But don't suppose I NV you:
I O U nothing but good-will,
And that I mean 2 O U still.
But if my motive U'd descry
For writing this, I'll tell U Y:
B 4 'tis long, I hope for peace;
And when U hear of my DCCC,
I beg, to show your love for me,
U'll write your Poet's L-E-G.
I'm sure that U'll indite it well,
For in such matters you XL.
Say, "E was once a R T fellow,
"But all his 'green leaves soon turn'd yellow,'
"He didn't mind his PPP and QQQ,
"But Plutus left, to woo the MUUU:
"And tho' he courted all the IX,
"He found them far too poor to dine;
"Nay, more, the very Graces III
"Could scarce afford a cup of T.
"So here he lies, for want of pelf,
"Who'd but one NME,—himself."
AN EXTRAORDINARY TURNIP, of the Dwarf species, was lately dug out of a
field on the estate of Major Longbow, who caused the inside to be
scooped out, and gave a grand entertainment therein to a party of 250
persons.—_American Paper._
FALLS OF NIAGARA.—Congress has passed a resolution that a premium should
be offered for a machine by which the Falls of Niagara might be rendered
portable, to afford those persons who live at a distance the opportunity
of viewing them at their own houses.—_American Paper._
[Illustration:
_MAY_.—"Old May Day"
]