The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
Mr. Babble produced his calculating machine, and its wonderful powers
were tested in many ways by the audience. It supplied to Captain Sir
John North an accurate computation of the distance between a quarto
volume and a cheesemonger's shop; and solved a curious question as to
the decimal proportions of cunning and credulity, which, worked by the
rule of allegation, would produce a product of 10,000_l._
Professor Von Hammer described his newly-discovered process for breaking
stones by an algebraic fraction.
Mr. Crowsfoot read a paper on the natural history of the Rook. He
defended their _caws_ with great _effect_, and proved that there is not
a _grain_ of truth in the charges against them, which only arise from
_Grub_ Street malice.
The Rev. Mr. Groper exhibited the skin of a toad, which he discovered
alive in a mass of sandstone. The animal was found engaged on its
auto-biography, and died of fright on having its house so suddenly
broken into, being probably of a nervous habit from passing so much time
alone. Some extracts from its memoir were read, and found exceedingly
interesting. Its thoughts on the "silent system" of prison discipline,
though written _in the dark_, strictly agreed with those of our most
_enlightened_ political economists.
Dr. Deady read a scientific paper on the manufacture of Hydro-_gin_,
which greatly interested those of the association who were members of
Temperance Societies.
Mr. Croak laid on the table an essay from the Cabinet Makers' Society,
on the construction of _frog-stools_.
Professor Parley exhibited his speaking machine, which distinctly
articulated the words "_Repale! Repale!_" to the great delight of many
of the audience. The learned Professor stated that he was engaged on
another, for the use of his Majesty's Ministers, which would already
say, "My Lords and Gentlemen;" and he doubted not, by the next meeting
of Parliament, would be able to pronounce the whole of the opening
speech.
Mr. Multiply produced, and explained the principle of, his exaggerating
machine. He displayed its amazing powers on the mathematical point,
which, with little trouble, was made to appear as large as a
coach-wheel. He demonstrated its utility in all the relations of
society, as applied to the failings of the absent—the growth of a tale
of scandal—the exploits of travellers, &c. &c.
The Author of the "Pleasures of Hope" presented, through a member, a
very amusing Essay on the gratification arising from the throttling of
crying children; but as the ladies would not leave the room, it could
not be read.