The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
[THIRD TITTER, _page 150_.]
[Illustration:
THE DESECRATION OF THE BRIGHT POKER.
]
[Illustration:
BRITANNIA DISTRIBUTING THE BRIGHT POKER OF CIVILIZATION TO THE
SAVAGES.
]
[Illustration:
The Bright Stove; or the Modern Englishman's Fireside.
]
REPORT OF THE SOCIETY
FOR THE PROPAGATION OF CIVILIZATION,
AND THE HANDBOOK OF ETIQUETTE
ALL OVER THE WORLD.
The Distingué Committee of this Society, which has for its noble object
the elevation of the poor degraded Savage, and the dissemination of
horse-hair petticoats and finger-glasses among all the dark members of
the human family, have published their Report.
The Report states the Committee have distributed to their coloured
relations their sister Agogos's celebrated "Code of Good Manners;" as
well as the instructive little tract "How to Live well upon a Hundred
a-year;" which have effected a great moral change. And the Committee are
now engaged in preparing the "Savage's own Edition" of "The Guide to the
Toilet," and have made arrangements with a philanthropic Parisian
Milliner for the weekly publication of a "Courier des Dames Noires" in
the wilds of Africa and America.
[Illustration:
A Case of Real Distress.
]
In Domestic Economy they have succeeded in introducing the Bright Poker
to the hearths of the benighted savages, and so impressing them with the
noble truth that there are Pokers for use and Pokers for ornament. They
have not, however, as yet, been able to confer upon them the enjoyment
of the Silver Fork; but still they have accustomed them to the use of
that article in Britannia Metal, which having, as a moral writer justly
observes, quite the appearance of Silver, lends to the dinner-table all
the show of plate.
In the article of Food the poor things have much improved. They have now
given over eating their meat raw, while some families had advanced in
Civilization so far as to have fed Turkies before the Fire, until they
died from enlargement of the Liver, so that they might be able to
partake of the luxury of the "Paté de Foie Gras."
[Illustration:
THE WIVES OF ENGLAND SWEARING TO PROTECT UNSULLIED THE BRIGHT POKER.
]
"SAY YOU DID IT!"
A ROMANCE OF SMILES AND TITTERS.
TITTER THE THIRD.