But why, Maid of the Rainbow, should Ossian, like a penny-a-liner, recite the fine that Phlaruppe paid to his Queen; or tell how the generous Twyford, for a crown, forgave him who tore the Lion's head from Gliddon's halls? A tale of high life! The deeds of the superior classes! [Illustration: The Carrara Water is found very efficacious in cases of Heart-burn. ] [Illustration: Oh! that dreadful British Brandy! ] [Illustration: It is strongly recommended in cases of foul tongue. ] AN ANACREONTIC: IN PRAISE OF CARRARA WATER. Come, let us quaff the Wine of Moet! Come, let us sing like Moses' Poet! To thee and to thy sparkling daughter, Carrara's copper-cooling Water! Maugham! come let us sing of thee, St. Swithin of Sobriety! Sweet, after drinking too much wine, Kind Cockle! are those pills of thine: Or when the bowl has drown'd the wits, Sweet are thy Powders—Seidilitz! Or seedy with the dew of Mountains, The water's sweet from Soda's fountains. Yes! sweet are these—but sweeter far are Thy sparkling Waters—O Carrara! And Maugham! thy fame doth far outstep The fame of Cockle—fame of Schweppe. So when I burn with too much 'toddy,' Carrara! thou shalt cool my body; Yes! then I'll seek that Water's aid, That's from Carrara marble made: And as I drain it from the chalice, I'll dream I drink some melted palace; Or quaff some Venus in solution, Of fam'd Canova's execution; Or fancy, as the draught decreases, I'm swallowing bottled chimney-pieces. Carrara! thy delicious fluid To me's the loveliest liquor brewéd; My throbbing brain grows calm and placid. Whene'er I quaff thee—sweet Antacid! Thine is the gift of being able To cure "the excesses of the table," And all the ills that thence attack us, Thou brightest, healthiest child of Bacchus For when I've drunk too much Glenlivat, And my head is splitting with it, Carrara! thou can'st ease my pain, And fit my soul to drink again. [Illustration: "MY WIFE IS A WOMAN OF MIND." ] THE WOMAN OF MIND. My wife is a woman of mind, And Deville, who examined her bumps, Vow'd that never were found in a woman Such large intellectual lumps. "Ideality" big as an egg, With "Causality"—great—was combined; He charg'd me ten shillings, and said, "Sir, your wife is a woman of mind."